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Meenyee
Meen Yee
United Kingdom

Words: 576
Access: Public
Comments: 5

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Superstitions?

I sat on the stump of a tree and waited. The moon was still out but I could see big, dark clouds trying to hide it. I stared at the ground waiting. As the clouds finished passing over, the moon shone brightly, illuminating the grass, in the clearing, in front of me making it glow an eerie blue colour.

I shivered as the wind blew hard at me and I felt its icy fingers tugging at me as if to say “come out and play”. I sat there for half an hour then thought: ‘This is stupid, I’m not going to see anything tonight.”

As I stood up to leave I saw something move from the corner or my eye. I turned my head quickly and caught just a glimpse of dark coloured fur. I fell back down and sat on the tree stump, paralyzed with fear and amazement as this beautiful creature suddenly stepped out from the shadows.

I couldn’t tell whether it was a wolf or a fox or a dog. I did, however, notice its powerful hind legs and big, intelligent, almond shaped eyes and the way that it held its head up high with pride.

It seemed to be glowing the same eerie blue as the grass was earlier so I looked up to see if the moon was shining on it, but it was hidden away behind those big, black clouds that seemed to be racing by earlier. Now they seemed to have stopped right in front of the moon itself so that no light escaped.

I looked back at the creature, it was as if it was giving off its own light and radiance without even having to blink.

As it watched me, it dipped its head down as though bowing to me. The creature then lifted its head and moved towards me cautiously.

It moved slowly and gracefully and the fact that it was moving closer to me didn’t scare or terrify me. I felt as if I wanted it to come closer to me and to know me inside out. I held my breath and waited for it as it got nearer…

CRACK!

The creature and I both jumped; startled. It glanced around the clearing quickly, took one last look at me and then dashed away through the trees.

“Mellissa?” I jumped again, my heart pounding, trying to burst free from my chest.

“Oh…Jack,” I gasped turning to see my brother burst from the trees. “You scared me to death. God, what time is it?” I asked as I tried to get my heart to stop thumping against my chest.

“1 a.m. You know I gave up my nice, warm bed to look for you.” Jack grumbled.

“Oh…sorry.” Was all I could utter. “Come on then, let’s go back home. I don’t think I’ll see anything tonight.” I stood up.

“You and your superstitions.” Jack muttered as he led the way back from where he had appeared.
I looked back at the clearing where the creature had been.

“I hope I get to see you again.” I whispered, and as if in reply I heard a loud, beautiful howl. I smiled.

“What was that?” Jack exclaimed looking around nervously. Then he looked at me. “What are you smiling about?” He asked shivering as a cold wind blew past.

“Oh, nothing.” I replied and we carried on out of the woods.

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Comments  
Robert Barlow Comment by: Robert Barlow - 2007-12-11 18:04
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Meen, your descriptions really set the atmosphere of this piece. Good work. --Robert Barlow
Meenyee Comment by: Meenyee - 2007-12-09 07:37
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Thanks for your comments, i wrote this story ages ago and thought that i should revamp it, so i did. Glad you all liked it! I have changed bits of it now so it's probably a bit better than before lol C.
JenaGalifany Comment by: JenaGalifany - 2007-12-09 03:14
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Nice work. The detail of your descriptions is very good. good work usage.

One issue - the over use of "as if". If you could find a way to diminish the number of times used, this would be an impressive read.

Cheers,
Jena'
FantasticFantasy Comment by: FantasticFantasy - 2007-12-08 20:10
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woooooow, that's good! I really like your imagery! I can see the field and the wolfie-ghostie-thingy! :-]
wizzer Comment by: wizzer Online- 2007-12-08 12:39
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your writing is so fresh and clear ..gorgeous!
would like more spooky/ is the fox a ghostie/ suggestion!
“You and your superstitions. If someone told you there was a ghost out here you’d probably be the first one to try and see it.” Jack muttered as he led the way back from where he had appeared.....this is a bit too wordy somehow/ almost info dump
love the story!
xxx geordie
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By Meenyee

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