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Lana Burke
United Kingdom, Essex, Southend

Words: 57
Access: Public
Comments: 5

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Etched Stars

I cut away some disgusting mark
Etch a star into my wrist
I cannot tell if it's boredom
Or distress

If all of this fell away
I don't think that I would care
If all of me was ok
I don't think it would matter

I feel a need to run away
I am yet to decide if I wish to come back


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Comments  
Violet Blue Comment by: Violet Blue - 2007-12-20 16:08
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Don't be cruel to Emo. He's a stuffed puppet and hasn't had any work since his master Rod Hull fell off a roof in 1999 after trying to repair a television aerial. Now there's a cunt that needed a good kicking. As for cunt-kicking, Miss Burke, in general I think you'd be better off aiming a Doc Marten or two at some bollocks as they're much easier to sever with a bit of ultra-violence. There's a handy recipe tip for that on Page 36 of "The Scum Manifesto".

Paul :D
filipspagnoli Comment by: filipspagnoli - 2007-12-13 01:34
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I like it as it is. Keep it.
Remick Comment by: Remick - 2007-12-10 17:56
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I like it. It capture a lot in a short span. I don't have a problem with the first two lines--rather like "Etch a star into my wrist".

You might consider taking "I cannot tell if it's boredom
Or distress" and turning it into a question by making it "Is it boredom
Or distress?" not that I oft try to change other writer line--just feels right for the mood/pace/feel of the poem. I think that poem's quickness is a nice parallel between the poem the emotion of the event and the actual act. Nicely done.
history Comment by: history - 2007-12-10 16:37
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Despite the latest fashion trends, I do what I do. If I hear the word emo one more time, I may well have to kick someones cunt off.
FantasticFantasy Comment by: FantasticFantasy - 2007-12-10 16:34
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EMO! STAY AWAY FROM CUTTING!!!!!!!!! very cliche...

other than the first 2 lines, I like.
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