Table of Contents



Who Am I?………………………………………………………...2

Deceivers in White Collars………………………………………..4

No More Future……………………………………………………5

A Natural Expression of Love…………………………………….6

How Do I Know?………………………………………………….7

Different date, Different state……………………………………..8

When I Look With My Heart…………………………………….10

A Desire Fulfilling Itself…………………………………………11

The Desire for Freedom………………………………………….12

Prove Now……………………………………………………….14

How Does it Feel to be Me?……………………………………..16

A Reflection of Myself…………………………………………..18

About This Book…………………………………………………20



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Who Am I?



Who Am I?

The question so few ask

Been asking it for years

Unconsciously for most of the past




So much reading

Books, websites, and beliefs

Has it gotten me anywhere?

I have no more need for your beliefs




The Truth is within

That’s the common theme

Can’t be held, perceived, or thought

The mind and its thoughts aren’t even me!




Watching ‘my’ thoughts

Meditating for countless hours

Asking where does the I rise from

Which I? This I? Which is the real I?




From metaphysics to Now

It was all fun for awhile

One by one they fell

They fall, they fell, one past, one now




What to write, how to write

My thoughts and theories aren’t even my own

Misleading people is what most do

Could I live with that?


They don’t do it on purpose

They don’t even know themselves

No one is to blame

If they knew the Truth what could they write?




Where to start? Here

When to start? Now

There are no problems in Reality

The only question left is how?




How do I know that this is it?

That this is That, Here, Now, Me

All I want is Knowingness

To know that which is beyond the mind and its beliefs




To know how it feels to know my Self

To know who I am mind-free

To know the last thing that I need to know

To know how it feels to be me




Free of thinking, free of mind

No more questions left to ask

Doubts all gone, my Self alone is

No mind left to cling to the future or past




Am I there Now?

With nothing left to be done

How can I be sure?

Through intense presence say some




You are not the body-mind-ego!

You are not the I that rises!

Know that you are pure consciousness

Know that you are That itself!




What do I know?

Who is the knower inside?

All that I think I know, comes from the past

Something said or thought outside




Thought by the thinker

Does the thinker know me?

No, the thinker is just an object

It disappears right through me




What do I know myself?

I know that I am here and now

I know that I can’t know what comes and goes

I know that I can only know Now




How can I accept it?

That I know it because I am it

Know what? Am what?

Who is asking and being asked?




January 4, 2007


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Deceivers in White Collars



Maybe I’m getting sucked back into it

The world of judgments and beliefs

Anger towards deceivers

Am I just another?




I convince myself that I’m a defender

Against the judgments and the lies

The holier than thou attempting to condemn

Preaching about that which they know nothing about




How can you know without personal experience?

Yet speak with such conviction

Things they’ve read or been taught to believe

They parrot back without question




Who am I to convince anyone of anything?

What to believe or even what not to

Am I right or wrong? No both are mere judgments

We all have the freedom to choose




Beliefs are just that, beliefs

They are neither right nor wrong

Only the mind uses that label and judges

Uses beliefs for its own comfort, to feel secure, and stay strong




The mind is the deceiver not the speaker

The speaker knows nothing of what it speaks

What is spoken is no more than a programmed response

An expression of consciousness perfectly




The mind is the program but who is the programmer?

There must be one after all

Those that think they are are still unconscious

Controlled by that which they attempt to control




Those deceived have chosen to be deceived

By believing they are their minds

The path is chosen at every instant

Within the moment of Now



January 4, 2007


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No More Future



Why think about a future that doesn’t exist?

My mind just running away

While traces of frustration and anxiety persist

Is this how I want to spend my day?




To plan a move or any event

The use of mind seems necessary

Do I use it or does it use me?

One leads to hell the other to peace




My sense of peace is what this concerns

Whether possible or seemingly impossible

I can’t. I won’t. It’ll never work out

It’s all a load of bull




I can’t overcome the future

For one, it doesn’t exist

A pointless use of time and mind

Neither of which exist




I’ll stay in the Now cuz that’s where I’m free

No past or future concerns for me

I’m not my life situation, that’s true

Do you use time, or does time use you?



January 7, 2007



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A Natural Expression of Love



A perfect life. I’m finally free

Problems, a distant memory

Accepting the present for what it is

But deep within holds a mystery




Why make any changes?

Or seek “greener pastures”?

If no additional happiness

Will be the result




Does that mean to do nothing?

Change nothing? Want nothing?

Within every desire

The belief of future fulfillment dwells




More happiness, more enjoyment

More love, fulfillment, or peace

When all is perfect Now

What left is there to seek?




Why go to where love is more freely expressed?

Or be where I feel the happiest?

Since true happiness only comes from within

Why do I feel more “there”? That is the question.




Maybe the outside will match the inside

And that alone is the reason to act

Not the desire for a better reality

But what the inner state naturally attracts




The law of attraction or resonance

It goes by different names

The outer world reflects your inner state

What you think you become. It’s all the same




Now I’m surrounded by peace, as Peace itself

An overall feeling of happiness and love

That inner pull to change my life situation

A natural expression of Love



January 7, 2007


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How Do I know?




Feeling so far behind

A lack of trust in myself

How do I know what I need to know?

Fulfill this desire to know enough




Learning more and more

The feeling of just one more thing

And then I’d know enough

A cycle that never ends




I only needed to know one thing

One moment out of time

To forget all that I’ve learned

Dismiss it as the mind




Do I know what I needed to know?

Feeling so close to it now

How do I know that I know?

Do I even need to understand how?



January 8, 2007



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Different date, Different state



You shouldn’t talk like that!

You shouldn’t feel that way!

Two of the worst things

That anyone can say




A depressed and anxious state

Never knowing why

Lost inside myself

Wishing I could die




Giving up on life

Surrendering to the pain

Finally seeking help

Believing things could change




Searching for the truth

Why am I this way?

Reading, writing, and researching

Every night and day




From Addiction to obsession

The pain replaced by passion

Open up my chakras

No more meds to crash on




Put the past behind me

Accept my life’s “mistakes”

Forgive myself, others, the world

Understanding the perfection of my present state




Peace of mind, my obsession

A desire to know the truth

Or be financially free

Believing so many half-truths




Learn the truth about everything

Dive even deeper than deep

Know more, meditate, reject all beliefs

Self-inquiry at night even while I’m asleep




The truth was present the entire time

The books only pointed the way

I found my peace at last

When I finally stopped looking the other way




Years of needless suffering

So many lessons to learn

Just to know myself

For that is what I yearned




It was never about the money

Not success or getting “there”

There is no “there”, there’s only Here

It was all a trick. Remove the mirror




Now, a brand new state

Peacefulness beyond belief

The Truth beyond the illusion revealed

Without the mirror, all that is, is Me



January 8, 2007


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When I Look With My Heart



The smile is simultaneous.

I don’t know why.




No object is seen.

Nothing to go to or come back to.

Nothing for the mind to analyze and identify.




No past feelings attached.

The heart looks Now.

Only my Self is seen.

My very own face.




Time isn’t needed,

Because there isn’t any distance.

No problem or doubt can exist,

Or be registered by the mind,

Without time.




Only perfection is.

Only a smile.



January 18, 2007


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A Desire Fulfilling Itself



I only desire,

That which I lack

What I believe that I lack

If I lack nothing

Then I have no need,

To desire anything at all

What is left?




Desirelessness,

Permanent fulfillment,

My desires fulfilled instantaneously

Desire itself,

Only exists while,

The belief of lack exists

An obvious duality

One dependent on the other

A mirror effect



The one who has everything,

Has nothing left to desire

Whatever is needed,

Comes without effort

At the most appropriate time

A desire fulfilling itself



January 30, 2007


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The Desire for Freedom



The desire for freedom

Started back in 11th grade

Maybe before, maybe 5th

When depression first hit
When I was fed up with life

Sick of the anxiety and pain

Thinking of all I had to do

To get “there”




I didn’t know what it was

Or why

Just that it all didn’t seem worth it

Life didn’t

Why so hard?

When would it be over?

Was there something else?

Something more?

There had to be something better

What? Where?




Who knew it was really freedom calling

Self calling to Self

Desire for enlightenment

What I never thought possible

Peace. REAL peace

Not just temporary relief

With a drink or by getting high

No more just getting by




Permanent freedom

Always there

Always with me

Never left me




Years later, always Now

Never had to go anywhere

Or do anything

All the effort I made

Only took me further away




Its Here, its Now

Let the desire lead the way

Self revealing Self to Self,

Peace

When I make no effort

Not even the effort of making no effort

Staying out of the way

That’s all




The desire for freedom

Is freedom itself,

My Self

It didn’t mean freedom from life

It means freedom to finally live




Letting go of the world,

My mind and body,

The past and future.

Yes. All of those

But it never meant death




It means beyond birth and death

The Here and Now itself

My Self

Which is already Freedom itself



January 31, 2007



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Prove Now




It’s all just belief

Without proof

But is there any proof?

For anything?




There is always something to write

That’s what I wanted to prove

By writing

Is this proof?

The act of writing…

Who knows?




Know what I’m not

And I’ll know myself

A belief for now

Will I get proof?

Proof beyond all doubts

The Truth itself




Can the past provide proof?

Or truth?

When the past itself

Doesn’t even exist,

Now




How can what’s not real

Prove anything worth proving?

Proof now

What’s true now?

Without any past




Chest pain is past coming out

Stomach discomfort is future

Anxiety

Do I have proof?

Just because I’ve observed it?

Or it happened before

In the past




What does that really prove?

Who cares?

Do I?

Do you?




If the Truth is Now

Then proof is Now

With no past, no future

No observations or faith




Just Now

Only Now

Nothing tangible

Nothing to hold onto




If proof can’t be held

Then what can be proven?

Right Now

Go ahead and prove it




Prove the past

Prove the future

Better yet

Prove Now



February 3, 2007


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How Does it Feel to be Me?




Memory,

The feeling of familiarity
But what is the feeling of Now?

What is the feeling of ‘I Am’?




How does it feel?

Like a memory?

A familiar feeling,

Of something experienced

Or perceived before?




Something different?

Something else?

A knowing?

Instead of a familiar remembering




How does it feel to know Now?

To know myself?

Familiarity?

Or beyond that?




If it’s memory,

it’s past, it’s mind

It’s not what I am

It’s not Me




It takes two, a duality

For familiarity

Me, the I Am

And something else

Something I Am familiar with




A separation, an experience

Something from the past

Something I had once before

But no longer here with me Now

A returning




What’s the use in remembering?

It’s only the mind

The past returning

Not Now




I remember things Now

But what I remember

Is something other than Now,

Other than Me




What is the feeling of I Am?

How does it feel to be Me?

Without memory or past

Or anything that comes, stays, and goes




Just Me

Right Here

Right Now

As I Am



February 6, 2007



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A Reflection of Myself



I can only say what it’s not

What I’m not

Not what I am or who I am

Or how I feel

Not even how it feels to be me




I can say what I feel is not me

Not how the ‘I am’ feels

The I am is permanent

While emotional states temporary




I am this or that

No, not this or that

Not even a person or a position

Not an individual soul, ego, or identity




The Self, Consciousness, All That Is

God, The Unmanifest, The Supreme Reality

All just words and concepts

What are they to me?

They stand no ground on their own

They have no existence outside of Me




Even to say life is a dream,

An illusion

Nothing but theory

A system of understanding

A starting point




What’s beyond them?

Behind them, around them

Before and after them?

Here and Now




What I am not is not what I am

Or who I am

It’s merely that,

What I’m not, who I’m not

No word or concept can define me




Concepts, words, beliefs,

Structures, systems, and form

All mind, all ego

It’s all temporary

Where’s the Reality?

What’s the I Am beyond I am not?




Words only provide pointers

No matter how holy the words

Mere forms

I’m no form

I can’t see my own face




Only the reflection

In another surface

A duality

Why should I believe it?

Believe that it’s me?




What’s the reality in a reflection?

Can anyone tell me?

No. Only with words

Mere reflections in a mind

That is no longer my own




The mind is only the reflective surface

What is its reality?

What’s the reality of anything it shows me?

Who can show me what’s real?

Who can show me Me?




Nothing to show

Nothing to see

To see is to perceive

I see a reflection in the mind,

What I perceive is not me




I reject it all

What use does any of it have?

It’s all just a reflection

A reflection of myself



February 6, 2007



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About this book


My search, fueled by the desire for freedom, has led me to question everything and accept nothing as the truth. No amount of fulfillment or achievement will end the search besides Freedom itself.

This book serves no purpose other than as a means of expressing the questions, realizations, and feelings that arise in a different way.

In the process of writing the poems, they have already served their purposes… as expressions of the moment.






From Self to Self

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