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From The Balcony - Wee Challenge #21
Peter stood on the balcony of indecision and surveyed the landscape of his life.
It wasn’t a pretty sight. Not so much a green and pleasant land as a grey and ugly blight.
He sucked on a cigarette already burnt to the filter and wondered what to do. He had it all once. Or did he? He had the dream, at any rate. His would be the Hamlet that brought the West End to it’s knees. Fame and fortune would be his for the taking.
Images of profit-share fringe and Jill from the temping agency appeared on the horizon. She told him she was pregnant last week. “We can make a future,” she said. It actually sounded nice. She treated him better than his dreams had ever done. Time to make a choice, he thought.
He leapt from the balcony, out into the open void of his future.
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His would be the Hamlet? Or 'he'? Hamlet is a very powerful symbol--excellent choice to pack meaning in without using the extra words. The cig is also a great symbol--smoked down to the butt to represent the end of someone's life. Again, excellent.
The end was a thrilling twist. Didn't see it coming. I was so caught up in what 'could be' for your character that I never considered he didn't really want to see any more, himself. |
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Comment by: Stratus - 2008-01-20 14:04
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Another decent story from this challenge.
I liked the following line, it visualized nicely and smoothly set the reader up for some internalization.
'He sucked on a cigarette already burnt to the filter and wondered what to do.' |
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| I do agree with the ciggy comment re: the tip and butt but thats a minor point. Probably most relevant to you is that I didn't see the end coming so much kudos for that. Very difficult to write in such a short space without giving the end away. Great work. |
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gee-guess he wasn't the fatherly type.
Good show, Gareth but the MC made a bad decision. What if the fall didn't kill him? ewwww |
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Yes, liked the "to be or not to be" feel. You should replace "it’s" with "its" (I get them mixed up too so i hope I'm right); also another thought was that an actor doesn't so much want people on their knees as he wants them on their feet.
But it's a beautiful story. |
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