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From the Balcony
Juliet’s fingers grew numb and tired of pressing the redial button.
"Romeo, Romeo where the hell are you Romeo?"
Romeo had gotten a new boss who worked him to the bone. The poor fellow would come home haggard and dead as a nail.
Juliet would massage his sore and aching body. Caressing his swollen knuckles and afflicting limbs, before he fell into a deep slumber.
To take him away from all his troubles, she had planned a beautiful weekend get away, just for the two of them, a suite at the Pegasus over looking the Atlantic Ocean.
They would have a candle light dinner, followed by a walk on the shore climaxed by the best sex he could imagine.
Juliet walked to the balcony to listen to the mourning of the ocean, from the balcony she saw Romeo putting in his over time, beneath his new boss.
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Great story and clever idea, Violet.
I'll suggest you take a quick look at structure, punctuation and sentence length. There are some words which should be joined: candle light, get away, over looking, over time. If you make these into single words you can add words elsewhere, which is always a bonus when 150 is the limit.
"Romeo, Romeo where the hell are you Romeo?" is wonderfully funny. You have a sense of humor, don't you? |
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Cool take on a classic tale! Made me smile!
One point:
'followed by a walk on the shore climaxed by the best sex he had to offer.' - She's taking him away from his troubles, Juliet has the sex on offer..
Even better would be - followed by the best sex he'd ever had!
Lovely story! |
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Comment by: Arley - 2007-12-19 12:30
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Hilarious, Violet! Did a great job with the balcony theme.
Have one suggestion:
To take him away from all his troubles, she had planned a beautiful weekend get away. Just for the two of them, a suite at the Pegasus over looking the Atlantic Ocean.
(I'd lose the period after GET AWAY and go with "To take him away from all his troubles, she had planned a beautiful weekend get away just for the two of them; a suite at the Pegasus over looking the Atlantic Ocean.) |
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