She already seemed very enthusiastic as I sat there listening to her describe it.

The manager showed her through the place. Rose and her Mother Betty who was already a tenant joined in on the tour. They showed her the laundry room, garbage room, and lounge. At the far end of the lounge five tables placed in front of a full kitchen; in the centre a living room set with TV, fireplace, then a pool table donated by a former tenant. The local library also brought in books for the tenants who were mostly seniors.

She only looked at one apartment while there and at the time it was a mess from the repair work being done. The old carpet that had been there for twenty-six years was being ripped up and repairs and painting were all being done. On the phone she sounded amazed how nice the place was. The tone in her voice as she described the apartment to me.

“Inside the door a large storage area and the bathroom that was twice the size of her current one. The hallway terminated at a spacious bedroom. The combined living room and dinning room were a comfortable size, with a large window and door leading to a patio. Beyond the patio lay a beautiful and serene backyard. Benches settled in the mist of a walkway that went the length of the building. Back through the living room the kitchen. The cupboards seemed to go on forever with a pantry that went almost floor to ceiling.”

As she told me about the place I knew she had decided she wanted it. However, some stumbling blocks were in her way. This building was a senior’s building and she was not yet even fifty. She would have to go in front of a committee that handled the leases. The week and an half waiting to find out only added to her stress. My husband and I discussed this many times and we felt she would not be happy there. We were afraid that her depression would once again show it’s ugly head. We also knew that once Sarah made a decision there would be no changing her mind. Though we had seen it many times only once did it get to the point where we feared for her life.

Two weeks to go before she had to be out of her apartment and she received the call that she had been accepted. She felt everything was coming into place. She had started packing the same day she had given her notice so she was more then ready. She gave away her old living room furniture with hopes of finding something nice at an auction. She wanted her living room to be totally different then the old place. The boxes seemed to multiply. ” She couldn’t believe how much stuff one person can have. She was looking forward to moving, a new start and a new year.

There were upsides and downsides to this move. The apartment it’s self was really nice, once the work had been finished. The rent would be geared to her income, but there would be no grocery store and no Shoppers Drug Store at the corner. With no car she would have to depend on others. On December 23rd her old landlord moved her into her new place. My husband I along with our children had plans to travel for the holidays so we could not help.

One load was taken on that day, enough stuff that she could sleep there. Mike moved everything because Sarah was unable to help because of her hands. He set up the bed and put boxes in the rooms where she wanted them. The living room furniture though purchased wouldn't be delivered until the next day. A neighbour lent her a kitchen chair to sit on. As Sarah started the chore of unpacking, washing all the dishes, breaking all the boxes apart and putting the paper in bags for recycling, with the radio on playing her favourite country music station things seemed to be going along at a pretty good pace.

Betty and Rose's family had gathered in the lounge for a Christmas dinner. Rose came to Sarah’s door with an invitation to join them. Sarah was sitting in the kitchen with boxes and paper around her was thankful but declined. Asking only if she could borrow an ashtray. A few minutes later the Rose returned with a plate of food and an ashtray.

After a few hours of unpacking Sarah collapsed on the unmade bed in complete exhaustion. The light from outside pouring into her bedroom window, the new sounds keeping her from sleep for what seemed like forever.

The afternoon of the twenty-fourth the furniture arrived that Rose had picked up at the auction. A whole new, new to her that is, living room set for under fifty dollars. She had a dark blue recliner, a matching gold coloured chair and sofa in the French provincial style. The room was so different. The curtains from the old apartment also gold went with every thing. A set of blinds left behind finished up the room. Betty had given Sarah dark red curtains and matching bedspread for the bedroom. Within minutes the furniture was in place and the curtains up, thanks to her friends. This was definitely a whole new look for Sarah’s new start.

The cable, phone and Internet would not be up and running until next week so Sarah listened to the sounds streaming out of her tiny radio. She placed her computer desk where a kitchen table should go and started the task of plugging wires where they should go. Her china cabinet fit against a small wall between the kitchen and a large closet like it was made for that space. Another night of listening to all new noises but drifting off to sleep just after nine, this time the bed was fully made and there was no light coming in her window.

Late the next morning she awoke to a sunning but crisp Christmas morning. It didn’t feel like Christmas at all. Sarah thought she should make her usual calls to family with wishes of a Merry Christmas. First she called my family to talk to her niece and nephew and heard of the great presents that they had received from Santa and others. They were so excited! She got an ipod, some roller blades and the best of all a television for her bedroom. He could not hold himself back from yelling through the phone about his new stereo and the hockey equipment. Both had gotten new clothes and I reminded them to thank her for her usual money in a card.

Then she called her stepmother and stepsister.

"When Sarah’s sister answered the phone she greeted her with Merry Christmas and she returned the greeting".

“She asked to talk to her Mom, first a pause, which was louder to her then any noise and then a reply”.

“Lorie's voice cracking, Mom was not home”.

Stunned at first but then waiting to hear the worst.

Lorie told her,” Mom was in hospital and had gone there Christmas Eve, but they said she will be home tomorrow Sarah. She just has a cold Sarah. I called an ambulance, she was mad at me, she did not want me to but my sister told me to do it, Sarah. My sister went with her”

Every question Sarah asked was answered with,” I don’t know”.

There was no sense in asking Lorie questions, if people were telling her this is was to keep her calm.

This was something Sarah should have expected. Since her Mother had sold her home she hadn't been well. The selling of her home or her castle as she called it was devastating for her. Her Mother had had several mishaps in the house, like broken bones; at least two bouts of pneumonia and a heart attack. Once she broke an ankle, for twelve hours she laid on the living room floor before letting Lorie call an ambulance. The house falling down around her and infested with numerous animals, but she insisted that Gus, the name she gave God would look out for her. Her Mother had already spent two Christmas in the hospital before finally, after pressure from her children, agreeing to sell.

Lorie not being able to explain what was wrong to Sarah other then Mom was sick. Sarah then contacted her older sister. She received the usual apology for not getting a call about Mom’s hospitalization.

"The, I didn’t have your number or the, I am sorry I just called family".

Even after thirty-two years some family members still wished Sarah was not part of their family and tried to keep her out of matters concerning their Mother. Though it was a struggle for both Sarah and her step Mother their bond held firm.

Sarah was not a religious person but right now she was praying that she would get to her before….she could not even think the worst. She was even further away from her Mother then she had been two days earlier. The need to be at her side was tearing her apart.

My family and I were leaving for a trip to see relatives for the holidays but after receiving Sarah frantic call we left behind a cell phone in the mailbox for her to use on Boxing Day.

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