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Red Sky
I want time to stop, for everything to freeze.
As the wind softly blows, a cool, light breeze.
I want to lie in the dark beneath starry skies.
The small cry of a bird as an angel dies.
I want the bitter tears to run down my face.
And it burns my cheeks, like fire and lace.
I want the constant aching in my heart to disappear.
A sickly sensation, gripping me, fear.
I want the pain inside me all to fade away.
With each and every step, the passing day.
I want to hear the song of a whale when it swims away from the shore.
So it ain't just me crying silently from the inside anymore.
I want to wake up in the morning and see a red sky.
Who knew if you slit it open it would bleed bye-bye?
I want to sit down and shiver through the whole of the night.
The feeling of the devil as He passes, 'hold tight.'
I want to cut myself open and bleed till I die.
So the poison will flow out and breathe with a sigh.
I want a rope around my neck, to stop the cries.
To hide the horrific truths of my big fat lies.
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| Thanks very much, but unfortunately I wont be changing any of this poem. I wrote it based on my own experiences and thoughts, and all the poems I've read that have shaped and moulded me as the person I am now. I love this poem, because it is me, my mind and generally everything thats has happened to me. But thanks again for your constructive comment, much appreciated =D |
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Comment by: frees340 Online- 2008-04-10 19:16
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To quote an earlier comment by saying emo bullshit would make me feel a bit insensitive, so I'm going to be original and actually critique this thing.
Get rid of ain't. It breaks the flow which makes this poem great.
Get rid of the cliches. Big fat lies, starry skies, etc.
Aside from that, you made a damn good poem. |
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| Very deep I love it :) It is a beautiful poem and yet full of pain Great Work! |
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| God that is good!! amazing you really know how to write |
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| "And it burns my cheeks, like fire and lace" this is my favorite line because it is so strong. it is beautiful and painful at the same time. Well put. |
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