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Often chaste, often chased
Your not the barley
fertile and free
not nearly the heart of the place
often chaste often chased
Eyes straight ahead you human race
your not the pure and
innocent one
but, still more right than wrong
it's often the case, your only face
with it's eyes that see a far off place.
Parlour of your mind
fires of grey matter
inner monologue chatter
I only wish I could get in
often chaste often chased
I can't keep up
can't really chase
I give up
this race was not mine to run
but; it was fun.
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I really can hear the music in this piece, how it's like lyrics to a song.
The 1st 2 stanzas are good with a solid melody, while the 2nd pair break off the rhythm & are more free verse. The 1st 2 are my favs. Usually a rhyme scheme turns me off, but not in this case. |
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| I really like the energy of this piece. I love the double barrel use of chaste/chased and the fact that the rhyming isn't strict, just occasional. The only criticism is that the "Your" should be "You're". Apart from that, it's excellent! |
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