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The Milkman
I woke up in darkness, looking across to where the alarm clock sat on a grafiteed desk i could tell that it was 3am. I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom, pausing slightly outside the door. I heard the sound of a milk float and the clinking of bottles,as if the milkman was out doing an early round which struck me as strange as we only had one milkman who delivered around eight in the morning. i peered out the window searching for the source of the sound which had now disapeered into silence, the streets were empty. the street lights shone on the porches of the houses but i could not see any milkbottles either. i went in the bathroom and soon forgot about it.
that morning i distinctly remember seeing the milkman deliver at around half 8.
my mind was brought back to that night a few weeks later when i sat in a cafe with my mother ans sister. my sister claimed there was a ghost cat in our house as she had heard a meow right in her ear in the middle of night and no cat had been there not the most dramatic ghost story she could of easily been dreaming although i swear id felt the presence of a cat myself once before when there wasnt one around so maybe there was more to it than that. this brought the conversation on to more supernatural; thats when my mother mentioned the milkman.
she had heard the milkman always about 3 in the morning maybe 2 or 3 times a week for the past 22 years that she had lived in that house and the strange thing was that when my dad had lived with us she had woken him up asking him if he could hear the milkman but he never could.he just thought she was a bit mad. She had never told me about the milkman before, so it was not my imagination making him up because I thought he would be there. both of us having heard him was odd as if it confirmed his existence.
After that day when we both told each other about the milkman my mum never heard him again after having heard him 2 times a week for 22 years and that same night I heard the clink of milk bottles and nothing more as if he was collecting his bottles and finally moving on happy to be acknowledged at last.
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| Hi. I like this story, it's pretty cool, easy to read. Well, not so easy but the story is really good. You must get around to editing it though. |
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| Good start, and an interesting plot. It would be interesting to see a more in depth version of this |
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An interesting start - I'd like to see more.
Some small crits:
"milk float" has a different meaning in the US, and it threw me off for a moment. You might want to try lorry, cart or truck instead.
Vary your paragraph length a bit. |
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There are quite a lot of mistakes in this.
'3am in the morning' is saying the same thing twice, you need to lose one or the other.
'couldn't of' should be couldn't HAVE
In the second paragraph you mention being in a cafe twice, which isn't really necessary.
There's a lot of missing punctuation throughout. Maybe try reading it out loud and see where the natural breaks fall.
Apart from these little things it's a good story, I like the idea of the milkman collecting his ghostly milk bottles before leaving. |
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