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sarah1612
Sarah Manning
United Kingdom, Manchester

Words: 96
Access: Public
Comments: 2

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V

The quiet choice
By which I free myself, my scream
Free you, no less, to both of us
Your kiss on my neck, it’s still there.
Unreal.

Another though, to keep on screaming
I’d lose the loss, it’s bittersweet
But not the scent, the fire, justified
You keep a jewel of pain, well nourished.
Unreal.

We’d choose the next, the easy road
If next was real, not a cherished excuse
So scream, why not, the liveable evil
I’d rather see the trees lit up like stars
And feel I’m real.

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Comments  
johnnycoolhand Comment by: johnnycoolhand - 2008-04-28 20:27
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i should probably read the other iv before i comment but its a great stand alone piece a work for sure. great word choice that all string and intertwine well together. i'd like to find something wrong with it, you know, for constructive criticisms sake but its a fine lil' sexy poem. second time around was better...
but isn't that always the case...
BrianNew Comment by: BrianNew - 2008-01-16 12:57
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This poem appears to offer a lot: I've read it four times over now, more slowly and more slowly, and will have to do so many more times--willingly--to really engage with it. In some ways it's difficult to get a hold of; the syntax that opens each strophe is broken -- either 'parataxis', 'asyndeton' or 'anacoluthon' -- which suggests that it's intended. But I'm not sure.

Very tidy, has an ethereal quality, suggests richness.

Thanks for posting, good luck with future writing.
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By sarah1612

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