 |
 |
 |
| |
Passing Judgement
Stuck being what you need me to be.
My ears are bleeding... and I need...
To breathe...
This is what I am!
Even if YOU, don't understand;
I still am this man.
I Spit on this backwards land!
What? What about, what everyone thinks?
What about how much I've had to drink!?
YOU, YOUR clique, YOUR entourage and YOUR peers...
Me, my 2 hours of sleep, bottle of scotch and 12 beers...
Fuck saying what YOU want to hear!
So far my lips have shot spears,
Into the hearts of the people I know.
The truth seems too painful to show.
Don't ask me- If YOU don't want my answer!
Hoping this pain inside is pancreatic cancer.
I'm not afraid to die; more afraid to live...
Suicide- a word for those too afraid to kill others
The masses- drooling fools, waiting to be smothered.
How would YOU want me to look?
What would YOU want me to buy?
Fashionably diseased and under cooked.
Super-sized # 5 extra cheesy in DKNY.
I'm the kid forced to go to church,
Who can't digest its book of lies.
I don't read magazines; instead I have dreams.
Trying to get YOUR daughter out of her jeans.
Dress in drag for fun; to me it's just a gag...
But... I'll punch a motherfucker in the mouth-
Who calls me fag.
So what if I am!? So what if I'm not!?
Close-minded, Nazi offspring locked in a box...
They deserve to get dropped.
So fuck anyone passing judgment on me;
Who are YOU to say how I should be?
I don't exist in gray areas with nothing to give.
If YOU think YOU can tell others how to live,
With YOUR social norms that have no purpose,
Then please... tell me what it's like being perfect.
Take YOUR own advice; fix YOUR life!
Leave me to my own pain and strife.
I'll be misunderstood and scapegoated for being true,
But no matter how bad my life gets... at least I know...
I'm not like you. :)
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: crows - 2008-06-24 15:51
|
|
| Wow! No punches pulled there. Really powerful piece; I think it could use a touch of streamlining here and there. There were a few bits and pieces that seemed like thoughts slightly out of place drifting through the otherwise extremely loud and clear message of this piece (the afraid to live line, the line near it about suicide), but it's absolutely great at it's core and a very enjoyable read. |
|
|
| If this were set to music it would be my theme song. No crits here, just a w0ot for the sentiments. |
 |
Comment by: lucy - 2008-01-30 04:19
|
|
I'm not afraid to die more afraid to live
the essence of this poem for me was that line above. it's not about the judging, the criticism, or the feelings of hate to me, it's about the love of life and living and expressing. I don't see hate here, I see confusion about the world in which we live and it's unacceptance of people as they are. |
|
|
A very notably good, strong rhythm: demanded speaking out loud.
If I can be so bold to say, the poem's speaker struck me as less angry, more whining and judgemental himself - a rebel without a clue. Could be used ironically to good effect, though.
Thanks for posting. |
|
|
Ohhhh boy. This is a really passionate poem and written in the heat of it, too, I think. It's evident in the few typing and grammar errors I find, all there because of the frenzy I sense you were in when you were letting your thoughts become words...
S2L1 - Lower case I
L7 - doesn't fit, maybe if you invented a suicide bomber rather than giving us a "weak" image. You need strong and punchy rather than the cowardly suicide here, I think.
S3L2 - Sounds forced, the verb tense agreement of shook is off
L4 - Do you want to leave out the missing verb, I like buy, personally but someone else may want to say wear.
I think this is worth an editing effort. Some say slam doesn't get the luxury of a rewrite, but I have been part of discussions with a guy who is really into the slam scene and he edits and rehearses his poems for performance continually. I love the way you express such frustration and then, just before the poem becomes too preachy you swing some humour into it with S3 and then tie it up neatly, I'm thinking almost too neat, though. Beware the cliché. |
| 1 2 3 Next |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
