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celiza
Amery Acedo
Philippines, Manila

Words: 185
Access: Public
Comments: 5

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Fallen

She looks at the ground, refusing to look up at the sky. She has been there, she once had wings. But her wings are no more, taken back by their rightful owner, sending her plummeting to earth. Away from the clouds and airplanes. They never even tried to save her, they just looked on as she fell down...

She remembered looking into his eyes as she fell. The eyes of the king of the sky, warm and brown. She held out her hand but he flew higher and higher, leaving her to crash down to land. It was he who made her want to fly, it was he whom she wanted to reach but he was the king of the sky and she was falling.

She looks at the ground, refusing to look at the sky. She had wings, once but not anymore. She knew how it felt to float with the clouds and the airplanes and the king of the sky, and she knew how to fall alone. The earth is her prison, gravity is her captor.

The color of her heaven was brown.

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Comments  
ardenbaino Comment by: ardenbaino - 2008-04-22 02:35
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Not too dark, not too dystopic, just right. Like straight out of the Sunday paper.
macayle Comment by: macayle - 2008-02-01 22:21
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I like the colorful feel of this. It feels ultra-rich, like dark chocolate. It has sadness and longing, but still maintains the bright-eyed awe for the "king of the sky." Pretty.
Vanessa Comment by: Vanessa - 2008-01-17 17:29
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Very nice (for lack of a better word)! It has a poetic feel, which I like very much. I agree it is well-written too. I love the last sentence, the color of her heaven was brown". Very deep and personal. Love this :)
lancslass Comment by: lancslass - 2008-01-15 07:31
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Very lilting piece. Has a sad feel but still lovely.

The first sentence would be stronger if it finished at 'wings' and dropped 'too'. Both words 'down' can be removed from the first para.
Remove 'like' from third para.
This is just my opinion, of course:)

Thanks for a lovely, warm read.
redtwinsis Comment by: redtwinsis - 2008-01-14 05:50
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I love this piece. Verry well written :)
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By celiza

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