It just keeps hitting me over and over again. And hell it just hurts so damn bad.
Maybe I just never had it right. Must be something more to it than all this pain. Opposites attract - pain and hurt – opposites? Must be since love supposed to be so good-feeling hurts like a devil’s walking stick. I am so done I tell you. Leave me be with my rocking chair and accepting cats.

Stripped bare I’m pretty pathetic. Nothing like a shriveled heart hanging around your neck to repulse the buzzards. And here I thought they ate everything. Gotta be juicy and plump to catch their eye. Vultures tend to eat up the goods remaining from the already-been pain. Hey, that’s o.k. I’m fine. No, better than fine. Content. Hell I gotta be. Got absolutely no choice in the matter unless I want to crawl out of my mess and face something akin to sunshine which I religiously pull the shades to keep out.

Funny thing is. I don’t really want to be here in this lonely place. Just too afraid to do anything to change it lest the change be greater distress than the unchanged. Sounds very self-wallowy. Tear it away girl and just get on with it. Suck it up! Yeah and that is what I do, start comparing my fortunate self with all the other poor souls with so much less. And really does that help worth a damn? Hell no it does not! I’m still sucking on dirt and feeling the gritty slide of my throat’s discontent.

The solution? Don’t have even a grain of an idea. Thus, I sit in my rocking chair way slowed down before it’s time rubbing Aspercreme on my hips and thinking a little sexual exercise would sure help that out. How completely funny is that with only buzzards who wanna be vultures waiting on the sidelines. Yeah I sit here in my rocking chair contenting myself that all I need are some purring motored friends to keep me sane and a good romance novel to keep me satisfied and oh god the moonlight to make me dream of what I wish but don’t know exactly how to ask for. Really the sun should hurt the wound more with its sharp solar cut but I swear to you with all that I am the moonlight soft though it may be is so brutally keen and able to reach even the most sheltered heart. It makes you howl the pain waiting for the hurt to come in a full nauseating way that leaves you asking how in the hell you got to this place.

Coward! Go back in the house and sit in that chair with your book and let what’s left of life pass you right on by. Hey you know what? Thank you very much for you permission but I don’t need it nor will it affect one centimeter of my actions! The door slams behind me on my way inside.

Copyright 2008

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