The Ripple Affect ' Article II
Self Defense

While the title may lead us to think otherwise, this is not an article about kicking the bad guy in the nether regions and running for our lives; although, it could be somewhat similar in certain situations. Far too often in our lives, we are faced with bullies. We grow up as kids dealing with another kid who will steal our lunch money or pound us to pudding at the least provocation. We go on to work and have a boss that belittles and degrades us. We choose partners who think of us as their personal emotional punching bag. Egad, but it can get tiring.

How do we maintain our own ideals of love and peace but still handle the bullies in our lives? This will not be an easy one. It is very hard to face someone who means us harm and still consider them worthy of our efforts. In fact, some of our most creative moments are spent indulging in imaginary plans to attach rocket devices to their office chair, cheering as they make their way into space. Learning to stand one's ground is not an easy thing to do, especially if your childhood was less then positive. There are many old wounds that may not be healed. There are events that replay themselves in our minds as we even consider taking charge of our own lives. Perhaps where we need to start is not with the various hooligans in our lives, but rather, with ourselves. Now why would we need to deal with ourselves if it is the ruffians that are wreaking havoc? Actually, it goes back to old behavior patterns. There are people who behave as predators and people who behave as prey. Our reptilian brain stems still react in certain ways according to instinct. The predators tend to behave aggressively. What many of us do not realize is that predatory behavior can be a cover up for prey mentality or experiences. It is said that the best defense is a good offense. What better way to keep people from harassing you then to behave in such a forthright way that any possible aggressor will be too frightened to attack? Yes, there are some people who are simply bullies. They take what they want and do not care whom they hurt to do so. However, I might hazard a guess that many of the bullies that we so easily disregard may actually be victims of abuse or bullying themselves. In order to walk through a crowd of wolves, you had best smell and look like another wolf. Acting like a rabbit is certain death.

While I started out this article by saying that we were not talking about a martial arts type of defense, there are plenty of martial arts 'tricks'� that we can employ in order to make our way through this world with fewer bumps and bruises. One of the main ideas that is taught in any self-defense course is to be aware of your environment. Another is to avoid walking and looking like a victim. Predators can recognize their prey. Muggers and the such select their victims according to who will be the easiest to subdue. Most of us have lost our 'wild'� mentality. We no longer live in the wilderness. We are not being stalked by saber tooth cats. Our survival instincts are not honed as they once were. Let us look at it for a moment. If you were the hunter and you saw two possible objects of prey, which would you choose? One that is alert and confident in their stance or one that is hesitant and not paying attention to what is going on around them. Hunters that are not seeking so much prizes as prey will choose the easier of the two and that is the one that may not realize that they are 'under the gun'� until it is too late to escape.

The best way to protect yourself from any aggressor is to know what is happening around you while maintaining a confident posture. Looking over your shoulder or acting afraid of what might come at you is not confident. There are many self-defense courses and books available to help you make any changes that you may need to make in order to shift your aura from victim to victor. This shift will make a world of difference in how your life progresses.

First, understand that you will need to be patient with yourself. Altering a life-long behavior is slow work. However, this can be one of the best changes that you can make. Not only will it help you to feel better about yourself, but also it will alter the way that other people interact with you. Imagine for a moment if you had a giant bodyguard standing behind you at every moment. Anyone even considering doing something harmful would think twice before approaching you. Our bearing can work in much the same way. A self-assured mentality reflects out to the world and the world, in turn, reacts to that positive light. Not only does the world behave differently, but we begin to react to this change in ourselves as well. We take more chances in certain areas that we might otherwise not try. Prey may stay in the same menial position for their entire life with no raises. Predator, or at least confident individual, will apply for that promotion and even if he or she does not get it, will continue to work toward bigger and better things as they desire.

Have you heard the phrase that 'attitude is everything'�? While it may not be 'everything'�, it certainly is something with a great deal of power. How we approach our lives will alter the path on which we travel. For some, the pebbles are like mountains, while for others the mountains are only minor inconveniences.

One lesson that I have learned is that you will be treated as you expect to be treated. If you expect someone to hold open a door for you, usually, someone will. If you expect that door to be slammed in your face, that too will come to pass. If you settle for less then you think that you deserve, you will get exactly that. Our only hope for holding our heads up in the crowd is first to hold our head up while alone. Try an experiment if you are still skeptical. This will only work if you honestly put your heart and soul into it. Go to a counter in an expensive store. Go in your street clothes and with your hair slightly unkempt. How are you treated? Are you even acknowledged by the people working there? Next, go back to the same store. Wear nice clothes and shiny jewelry. Stand up straight and keep thinking to yourself that you own this store and these people work for you. If you are a woman, put on some make up. If a man, be well groomed. Now when you walk up to that same counter and that same person, how are you greeted? What kind of help do they give you? I have done this very thing and the results can be amazing. When I want to be ignored, I know how to go about it. When I want service and special attention, I can get that as well. It is all determined by how I present myself when I venture out into the world. So, too, shall our lives mimic our attitude. This is not to say that everything will turn into 'wine and roses'� overnight. This is to say that as you change your attitude about your life, even if all else remains the same, you will begin to see things in a different light.

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