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To feel or not to feel
The blade was mostly dull, but where it had been sharpened it shone. I touched my finger to the blade, just on the curve where it was brightest.
Nothing.
I could have been touching the edge of a piece of paper.
A little pressure caused the oval of skin around the blade to turn white, and at last I felt something. How to describe it… It was like my skin was moving aside to let the metal in, creating a space for it.
A little harder. I began to feel something strange in my stomach, a sort of fizzing, like it was holding its breath. More feeling that the skin was parting like the Red Sea, welcoming the blade in closer.
Then I stopped.
The knife was neither warm nor cold, neither friendly nor frightening, it simply was. I was aware of every muscle in the hand that was grasping the smooth Swedish wood. Every breath in and out, every
Heart
Beat
Heart
Beat
Is it really worth breaking out? If I keep myself cocooned in this shield of numbness I will never feel pain again. No happiness, no joy, no peace either, but what a fair price to pay to be rid of this agony. What a fair price to pay for stopping the tears. What a fair price to pay for feeling like my heart is not shattered and scattered, that it is still giving out its
Heart
Beat
Heart
Beat
I slid the knife into its sheath with the click that I had created for it. A perfect, small copy of his. I laid it on the floor beside me and slowly took my hand away.
Neither pain or blood would bring him back or stop the hurt. Only time could do either.
My sister’s music strained up from the computer downstairs
‘If the Lord is my Shepherd and I shall not want, then why do I still want you?’
I smiled. It was watery and my eyes filled up with memories, but I glanced down at the knife again and began to laugh until helpless tears jiggled down my face.
You have to laugh. If you don’t laugh, what else might you do.
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Comment by: WLC - 2008-06-25 14:50
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| Okay, makes sense now. Thanks. |
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| Well when you put a Swedish knife into the sheath you know it's made well if there's a click as it reaches the bottom, it makes it air tight or something. So an important part of making the knife was creating that click. But I get why it would be confusing if you've not made a knife before. |
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Comment by: WLC - 2008-06-25 08:48
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I liked this. A tale of the need to "cut" so the mc can "feel" something told well.
My eyes stumbled over one sentence--"I slid the knife into its sheath with the click that I created for it." Do you mean "I slid the knife, with a click, into the sheath I created for it. (or maybe I'm confused. ???)
I also liked how you spaced out the Heart Beat words. Gave a good visual for the eye and the mind. Always a nice touch. |
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Fascinating story, in particular the start, the way you describe the attraction, the almost hypnotic way your character has to see or feel things.
I also like the structure.
The only additional thing that I see which could possibly be improved on - if you want - is the double use of "heart" in "What a fair price to pay for feeling like my heart is not shattered and scattered, that it is still giving out its Heart", |
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Hi again, quite a story; just a couple of little things to help . . . I hope. You wrote: "like the Red sea," I think SEA should be caps like Red. It's the name of a place. Great image, too. Also, at the end of a line before the 7th break in spacing, you have "Heart". As long as it's a part of the line, it should probably be lower case. If you move it to a line by itself, I would use caps. Same in the next paragraph.
Next, you wrote: "the hurt. Only time could do either." Time doesn't heal, but things heal in time. We both know who heals; it might be an opportunity to share that if you felt it appropriate. |
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