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A Thousand Lifetimes
I know you now as I did
Numerous times before this;
My heart skipped a beat
When I saw you
Would you know me and had
You missed me deeply as well?
We were once lovers yet
Once we were rivals;
Many riches were ours,
We begged in the streets;
Killed off for Treason and
Gave the order to behead.
Medieval armor was our safety
Remember the Blue and the Gray!
Delicate silk covered soft skin;
A blood soaked turban lay
Abandoned by time
Remembered in stories retold
Moving ever onward
Time stops for naught
But the Soul lives on as
Memories are kept; precious,
Eternal - recalled back by
A simple glance or a word
Times passing may change
Ones countenance and yet!
And yet I know you
I felt your memory
Stir so deep within me
Resonating my soul with a
Knowledge of immortal familiarity
A thousand lifetimes
We have lived and we both
Changed each time, but my soul -
My everlasting soul will
Always recognise the
Eternal light which is yours.
So don't feel alone, don't weep
For what was and please
Don't feel forgotten
I never forgot you, I'll never
Forsake you and my Love
And devotion are endless.
Reunited at last - what joy it is!
Two souls once divided
Are whole again and even
If time should separate us once more
Believe in that I will find you
And I shall hold us both close again.
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Comment by: Arley - 2008-02-14 09:20
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| I was moved by this, Sarra, and am curious if this is your final version and if you've found a home for it yet. |
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Comment by: Dakota - 2008-01-26 15:29
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I've woken with memories of a one I've loved before
Thank you for reminding me
Many lives before this one, this expresses that for me |
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Overall I think this is really good and definitely very, very emotional. I hesitate to say that it's "too emotionally involved" like Bernadette says but I at the same time I think I can see how one could come to that opinion.
I'm also not a poetry expert. (just read some of my stuff if you don't believe me) But the hardest part of this for me--not that it was difficult--was the spacing. There were times I got to the end of one line, began to read the next, and didn't realize I was actually continuing the previous thought on a different line.
In the second line of the fifth stanza (remember, not a poetry expert), you might consider changing the ! to a ... To me the way it is now it just seems to urgent, like it's getting ready to jump (if that makes any sense; I think in pictures sometimes so I'm sorry if it's confusing), and stanza-wise, the "jump" part seems to happen too soon.
I don't know if any of that makes sense but I hope it does. Like I said, though, it is quite beautiful and I did enjoy reading it. Keep up the good work and happy editing!
--Russ. |
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Hi Sarra
1st of all I'm NOT a poetry bod (of which there are many on ER) so not really qualified, but I saw your request on the forum.
So....... I think you're too emotionally involved here. I didn't like the "once" "once" in the second stanza - grated a bit. I can't abide exclamation marks in poetry BUT I did like visuals like the blue and the gray - I don't think you need the "Medieval" or the "Remember" or the capitals on blue and gray.
Think you should put it aside for a while and rethink in cooler frame of mind.
All the while I was reading, the title was reverberating in my head but to the tune of "A Million Lovesongs"...
I suppose, what I'm saying is that, as a reader there was something too familiar about it; you're wallowing in memories rather than tantilising your reader with what those memories might be.
As I say, I'm no poetry expert (not an expert in anything in fact!?!*!*!?!) but these were my feelings and I hope that helps you somehow. B.xox |
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Comment by: wizzer Online- 2008-01-14 04:34
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beautiful flow of words. thankyou
xxx geordie |
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