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what to do with open wounds
licking them does no good
salt
just makes the pain feel as it should
sharp and fierce
digging beneath superficial layers of skin
burning through muscle
laying trails next to veins
following their path to my heart
burning in a fire
from the chambers meant to keep flames at bay
burst open from the coursing pain
that grows stronger
with each letter you write.
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- get rid of line four and all of a sudden the salt of your tongue becomes a very strong image and then you can get rid of your -ings.
- You can probably find a better word than dig. You should try to find the term for when you use course grain salt to mash down garlic [your skin] with the broad side of a knife [your tongue]. All of a sudden your image is not as cliche but becoming its own image.
- find a better word for trails because the image of the salt is not a weak, fleeting image. the salt is more like dragging a stick through mud.
- find a better word for following.
- lines 10 and 11 can go. they aren't needed and disrupt the flow.
