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| This read more like prose than a poem. I do like the image of watching some one you know grow up. But you can tighten some of the phrasing here and there. |
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| You should write TV commercials. |
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| Oh yes... I like the way you brought out the little boy, highlighting his insecurity with the blanket, his schoolboy aggression that never really left and his inability to let go of the past... all wonderfully illustrated. |
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Comment by: - 2008-01-19 06:53
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You brought the poem alive by the way you explained the situation. I love the ending.
I’ve got the bruise
reminding me you were here
remembering the boy,
still a boy
Still trying to keep
all his toys.
In my eyes it presents how the juvenile behaviour a man can have a lasting impression. I beleive it had alot of inner meaning and thats what i look for in a poem. |
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| Great way to illustrate the immaturity of men and walking away from them. Love it. |
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