Battles and losses
Sometimes life hits you in every way.
For almost four months now, I am learning to accept that my father who is only 61 is suffering from incurable cancer and that he has heart problems. I am also learning that my mother who seemed to be so full of energy down deep is a very vulnerable, weak person who is overwhelmed with dad's illness and continuously tries to convey her burden to others, especially myself.
These are things I am trying to accept and I am continuously seeking a way to handle it on a daily basis. And you say to yourself that you have had enough sorrow for a while and that it is time for better days and happiness. This is not to say that I am not happy. I have the most amazing man standing by me through all this and that is priceless and I am lucky in that way. But it hurts to see someone I love suffer.
Just these past few days, I have learned that my grandmother passed away and that our cat - who is like a baby to us - suffers from lung cancer and we will very likely have to put her to rest within the next few days.
I don't seek pity and I believe I am handling things in the best way I know how to. But I wonder why me and, in particular, why it all comes at once and how much more I can take. And I yearn for a time when I can rest and reflect and not just react. Life seems so short and sometimes it seems unfair and I want to make the best of the time given to me but it ain't always easy.
The lessons I take at such a time in my life is how precious my friends are and how important it is to maintain friendships throughout my entire life and I learn how deep the bond with the person I am living with is and I learn about myself. And I learn to appreciate little things more.
So, while I feel a lot of pain, I am grateful for those lessons and I am rolling up my sleeves and greet each new day and face it the only way I know how. Standing strong.
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