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Mother’s Fault: 23rd Wee Stories challenge
It’d started with her eldest’s diary, the May entry in particular. Then she’d found condoms, and a curious plastic bag the size of a small matchbox in her youngest’s jacket pocket.
When they moved to their own homes, taking with them the diaries and closed draws, she realised she would never find intimate snippets on Facebook and MySpace; her lot were too clever for that.
It was when her middle daughter fell pregnant and had her first grandson that the pain started to ink the vacant space expanding in her chest. Phone calls became sparse, and she moved twenty-five miles away.
She hoisted her skirt up and wriggled through the open window, snagging her tights on the window latch. Her son and his girlfriend had preferred to give their key to a neighbour while they were away. She’d felt her lips thin as her son had explained that the Thompsons were closer should anything happen. His girlfriend had stood with her hands on her hips.
No matter, he was always leaving windows open, and this just proved it! It was also unfortunate that they hadn’t told her how long they were going away for. She was holding the pregnancy test stick up to the bathroom light when her son walked in and yelled with surprise.
She wasn’t any of the things he'd called her, and he'd called her a lot in his diatribe. Her one fault was that she’d lost control; and the more control she lost, the darker the ink stained.
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| Yep, sometimes the way we WANT our children to turn out doesn't happen. They make their own choices. Although I never had a computer as a child (there weren't any PCs), you pretty well described me as a teenager getting caught by my parents with the pregnancy, drugs and diary. How did you know? |
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Comment by: L J - 2008-01-22 02:03
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| Hmmm, this is one of those stories where bit by bit, everything adds up and comes to full meaning after the entire piece is read. The ink stain metaphor is able and commits itself to fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear that her son has made the wrong choices in life. Leaving windows open is another metaphor for your piece and it works well, as tho the lad might be secretive in a way, but the open windows give some idea that he wouldn't mind being an open book.I found this to be on the lighter side, and enjoyed the structure/mechanics of the piece. |
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Enjoyed this story very much. I could see her chubby, middle aged body shimmying through the window, and her startled face when she got caught.
It leaves you to speculate that the children have shut her out simply because of her overbearing, nosy nature. Even though she deserves this treatment, it still is sad to watch. Great job! |
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| Great read. Nice one, Sharon. |
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| Good take, and well done on the mother's character, you caught and expressed it well. I too read this twice for clarity so I agree it would be better to name the neighbours, and re-work the Facebook line but otherwise, well done and interesting. |
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