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Mother's fault Wee story challenge 23
Savon looked at the new comer with disgust and scorn. He stared at him as if he was judge and jury.
He knew him, everyone on the ward knew him. Worst of all Savon knew him regrettably the most.
Savon felt the impulse to run but there was no where to run to, no one to run to.
“Come here boy, give me some water to drink, don’t look at me like that.”
Savon hesitated and then began to mummer in a low voice, ”You have to drink your medication first.”
“Don’t want no dam medicine, I fell quite fine.”
He tried to fight all felling of piety and sorrow; he knew this one didn’t deserve any of it.
Old Mitch Tuner was notorious in that area. He was a man who could wrap words around anyone like a constricting reptile wraps its prey. He would be your best friend providing that everything was going well. But when it all went wrong he was no where to be found.
Heaven forsake it went wrong for there was no better person to blame it on than Mrs. Tuner.
When he booked his flight wrong or the game didn’t end right, or the sun didn’t shine right, not forgetting the lost promotion, the gambling addiction, or the fact that he was too short, it all some how went on the shoulders of Mrs. Tuner.
”Yes its mother’s fault for marrying such an idiot.”
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Comment by: lancslass Online- 2008-01-18 15:43
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| Ha! Nice twist at the end, but poor old mum this is the first Mother's Fault story that I've felt quite sorry for her. She go the blame from start to finish! |
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| This is a fun little story, but you definitely need to work on tense, spelling, and word choice. Great title though! |
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Comment by: Arley - 2008-01-17 12:03
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Good twist, Violet! Ol’ Savon was having to deal with dear ol’ dad. Needs some work.
He would be your best of frie(n)d providing that everything was going well (Left the N out of FRIEND and need to lose OF))
Savon felt the impulse to run but there was no where to run to(,) no one to run to.
He tried to fight all felling of piety and sorrow(;) he knew this one didn’t deserve any of it.
Heaven forsake it went wrong for there was no (I’d swap FORSAKE for FORBID)
When he booked his flight wrong or the game didn’t end right, or the sun didn’t shine right. Not forgetting the lost promotion, the gambling addiction, or the fact that he was too short it all some how went on the shoulders of Mrs. Tuner. (First sentence is incomplete. Swap the period for a semicolon and it’ll work – “. . . sun didn’t shine right; not forgetting the lost promotion . . . the fact he was too short, it all . . .”) |
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