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Comment by: Sophia - 2008-04-23 09:15
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You use some unusual images, as you do in a lot of your writing. I really loved this line:
'This is a place where bright birds die laughing from electrical fires catching inside my head.'
It's so vivid. |
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WOW! You've really captured something here that is usually beyond description. You make me grin and remember my acid days.
Your use of metaphor is shocking and delightfully original. Fans rotating in the tummy? o.O Gold!
I wouldn't leave this as all one lump of text, but use careful line breaks. Other that that not a single tweak.
This is fantastic. I'm looking forward to reading more. |
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Comment by: - 2008-01-22 03:58
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“That Kind of Alchemy” is a dramatic piece that can be related to a lot of different disturbing, painful or out of the ordinary situations. Situations that can be related to the real world.I really like this piece, the comparison used and the description. My favourite lines are “Where fans rotate in my stomach and noxious red gases bubble in my neck.” And the following line “This is a place where bright birds die laughing from electrical fires catching inside my head”
Great piece!!! |
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| Thanks for the comment. I have to admit that altered states of consciousness are a source of inspiration for this poem and many of my others. It's not that I'm trying to capture any particular altered state that I've had. It's more that I'm trying to invent something that is possible conceptually, if not in the real world. |
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Comment by: wizzer Online- 2008-01-21 05:37
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doubt that i fully understand this but from bad stuff happening to being full to bursting with this impossible substance ...could it be drugs?
i felt a lift with the end lines
xxx geo
ps how do you make a hankie dance?
answer
put a little boogie in it! |
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