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i've been robbed (revised)
i've been robbed
yeah, been broken into
emptied
my own personal stash
stolen
all that holding on
years of hoarding
gone
just …
… like …
… that …
there’s no place to hide
nothing held deep inside
i've been emptied
vandalized
looted
you walked right in
slick as a knife
took all I had
all you needed
I tried to fight back
tried to hang on tight
but you
slick thief
in the night
were stronger
you robbed me blind
the tools of your trade
honed on my savings
now I'm broke
'cause you
have
stolen
my heart
october 25 2007
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| Now I can certainly relate to this poem! You certainly have a way with words! Wonderfully penned poetry! |
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Comment by: MsWizard Online- 2008-06-12 21:04
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| Well crows, I think slick was accidental but it seemed to work so I left it...the lover? still holding onto his winnings... |
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Comment by: crows - 2008-06-12 20:42
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| Oo... this one has a really neat rhythm, reminded me of snapping fingers. It feels tough, but it also expresses a familiar vulnerability so well. All the while, I feel like I'm oscillating between affection and hurt... is the lover-thief still in the picture, or has he departed with his winnings? It could go either way! The only think that struck me was the repetition of the word 'slick' - intentional to tie the beginning and end of the stanza together, or accidental redundancy? |
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| See! those G.D. conjunctions are so easy to say but so tough to erase. You've got a definite keeper now. :-) |
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| Good comparison of a heart-breaker to a thief. Definitely had this experience before; I can relate. Could be called thief of hearts, but that would give away too much in the beginning. I like the way you misdirect a little in the beginning. |
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