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The Message Boards revised
read viperous venom
spewing
from lips of
blond jet-setted women
wearing the dark scent
of Eau De Contempt
such black souls
lacking in love
filled with
raw
and deliberate
intent
cruel
their inner hate
bites sharp
at lovingly fueled
words innocently
dancing
across joyous
voice filled pages
viciously crucified
by angers inside
of self hating engines
driving a dark force
as beauty
and childlike
runs its course
loathsome hearts
on crude boards abide
feminine cruelty
sharp barbed pins
while a
hate filled man
with his narcotic
poisons inside
his razor sharp words
slicing
dicing
his slaughter
of innocents
mindless
senseless
again and again ...
welcome …
…to the boards
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| Oh Broken, I wouldnt touch THAT comment with a ten foot pole! *laughing* |
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| This was good. I think there's some relationship between blondness (even if dyed), petiteness, and pettiness/cruelty. At least, that's been my past experience. The petite blond with a napoleon complex can be a terror. |
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| Crows I isolated both words because I found that on those forums, people tend to be quite beautiful in their remarks or quite childlike. They tend to throw off the shroud of adulthood so that they can be children again and play. Quite often playing nastily I might add. Thanks for reading this one...I have always been quite fond of it myself.... |
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Comment by: crows - 2008-06-12 11:50
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Reminds me of the old World of Warcraft forum boards. GOD! I couldn't even -read- them. Particularly if the server flickered for some reason; people get straight ridiculous when they can't access their video game for ten minutes.
Anyway! Great poem! Drew me right along to the end; it's very passionate and extremely well rendered for the subject, not to mention a very unique thing to write a poem about, which I love. This bit caught my attention:
as beauty
and childlike
runs its course
'Childlike' doesn't quite make sense here, to me... perhaps the 'beauty' or the 'course' should be childlike, as opposed to isolating it as a noun? |
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| You should have seen the first version....you would have gone down in flames...grin... |
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