First time longtime-

-Yeah, I wanna’ go to that bar way downtown, bungalow 8. You know the one?
-Well, forget that. Guess what we could do instead. I know this filmmaking chick and she's holding a special screening of her film on Saturday. We could go do that-
-You didn’t reveal our documentary to her, I hope.
-No, no.
-’Cuz a broad like that would pick up on it and run for the end zone, know what I mean?
-Oh, of course. People are dying to do something on Canadian football
-You know they are. I don't feel secure even discussing it like this. On the phone I mean.
-Anyone could be listening!
-Yeah, anyone! Which reminds me, it’s about that time again when one of us makes our perennial phone call to the ‘FAN to discuss their criminal neglect of the Grey Cup this weekend.
-Oh sure. But I think it’s your turn to call this year, ok?
-Is it? Are you sure?
-Yeah, don’t you remember last year? When Francesa nearly tore me to shreds and don’t even go there about the “Dog”!
-Ok, ok I’ll call them. What’s the number?
-You know the number! It’s only in any and every sports page in the city, that’s a poor excuse. Now go to the phone and call them. It’s your turn to be humiliated before an audience of millions! I gotta’ go. I’ll call you Saturday.
-All right, see ya' later.

Later that day at a radio facility located within the NYC outback of Queens. There are two deejays; one is skinny and speaks sentences in a rapid fire discharge, the other is fat with a more tempered cadence to his speech.-

-It’s comin’ up to three nineteen here on the‘FAN and we got,,, who we got on the line? What?
Well, while were waitin’ to get that up we were jus’ talkin’ 'bout how the Jets a’gonna' do this Sunday against the Dolphins and I hate to say it but, I don’ think the Jets’ secondary is up to the task…whatta’bout you Mikey?
-Yeah, I think you’re right on this one ‘Dog. The Jets secondary's been woefully outta' sawts' the last few Sundays, what with the injuries to Butler, the cornerback and also, and I’m gonna’ go out on a limb here, but I think that all the trash talk by Johnson has been, not a little bit detrimental to the cohesion of the defensive unit as a whole
-You know, you’re right! I think you’re right on the money wi’ that perspective there, Mike. The whole debacle involving
Johnson in what he says and then, not bein’ able to back it up when it counts is very disturbing, I think, to most o’ the fans ou’there,, we got it back up again? Okay..Let’s go to Morris in Brooklyn, welcome to the ’FAN, you’re on the air….hello, Morris are you there?
-Hello?
-Hey Morris, welcome to the ’FAN. So, what’s on your mind?
-Uhhm, it's Maurice.
-What’s that?
-"Mau-reese", my name’s Maurice.
-Oh, Maurice! Sorry ’bout that, sometimes Cathy on the phones doesn’t get everything a’straight as we’d like, so what’s up Maurice? I unnerstand’ ya’ concerned ’bout this game on Sunday as well?
-Ahhh, not really
-NO!? Whattaya' mean, "NOT REALLY"?
-No, not that game.
-Well, what other game is there? Talk to me Morris, Whattayu' talkin’ about, “not that game”? What other game could there be?
-Er, uh well, the game in Edmonton, up in Canada, this Sunday. You know, the Grey Cup?
-WHOA! Now wait a minute here, did he just say what I'm thinkin' he said?
-I think he's talking about something up in Canada, 'Dog
-WHERE? WHAT!? CANADA? Morris, wha’thehellayutawkin’about? Canada!!
-Uh, ya’ better be careful here Dog, I think we got a space cadet on our hands
-Yeah, Canada! You know, big country, north of Buffalo and Detroit?
-Yeah, yeah. We've heard of it.
-Well, first of all I have to tellya', I'm a first time caller, longtime listener to you guys and this Sunday, The annual Grey Cup will be played before a crowd of thousands in the cold frosty air of Edmonton, Alberta. Real football weather, not like in the states, with our namby-pamby climate controlled domes and “fair catch” punt returns..
-Gee Dog, I didn’t think they even had football up there. I know they got hockey..
-Yeah, hey listen Morris, jeez’, I don’t even know how he got past the screeners
-Maur-eeese!
-Well whatever your name is, allIgottasaytoyu’is, come back down ta’ earth, Morris!
-Yeah, hey Morris, when you come back down from orbit have the re-entry device tuned into someplace north of the forty-ninth parallel! Can you believe this guy?
-Aah we get all kinds up here on the ’FAN, Mikey. An’did ya’ hear that accent? What was that?
-It sure wasn’t American, Dog.
-Bleah! I gotta’shakethatoneoff, mikey. Cathy, please. Look, look, she’s shruggin’ 'er shouldiz’. Oh man. Well back to business, it’s three thirty two and time to do some business for the station………(off the air to the chuckling Mike) thank god.
Hey, didn't that happen to us one time before?

That evening….

-Hello?
-Didga’ hear it?
-You.....are......the judge!!
-Yeah I know, but you heard it, right? Man, they cut me right off!!
-Whadja’expect? I couldn't believe you got that far. What'd you tell the screener?
-Oh you know, the usual bull shit, first time longtime and all that, she swallowed it hook line and sinker. I had her thinkin' I was that idiot at the Jets games, you know, the clown with the hard hat, sits on the fifty...
-The fireman!
-Yeah, the fireman, so you know he's got lots of free time to call in on the radio and show what a jerk he is.
-Ok, your conversation has grown tiresome, I must bid you adieu.
-Likewise!!

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