Mother's Fault-Wee Story#23
“Just look at this mess!” scolded Tatiana “Is that how I brought my little Bezels up… to be filthy?”
“The cleaners have been a bit busy lately,” he explained meekly. “They’ll be onto it very soon.”
“Cleaners? You don’t need cleaners just use a little elbow grease…oh you have always been so lazy.”
“I’m not lazy Ma. I work hard around here looking after all the guests and…”
“You wouldn’t have to if you had listened to me…”
“Please ma…not in front of my friends.”
“Gabriel was right, all care and no responsibility. The lord knows the strings I pulled to get you promoted and how did you repay me?”
“I’ve already apologized and I’m paying the price. Haven’t I suffered enough?”
“You and your disreputable cohorts got no less than you deserve.”
“I don’t think any of us denies that, but the days of rebellion are long past. I’ve had my comeuppance and paid my dues…won’t you let me come home now?”
“And what of your responsibilities here?”
“There aren’t any. They’ve extinguished the fires and guests have moved on. I want to go home…I’ll promise I’ll be good.”
Tatiana’s mind replayed images of a dutiful cherub metamorphosing into a nefarious rebel in the midst of war and the gaping hole in her heart that his absence had left. Could she fill it with empty promises?
“Okay…one more chance but if you so much as…”
“I will be as good as a golden fiddle,” promised Satan “Demons' honor”
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Comment by: vlclasby Online- 2008-01-24 21:28
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Wicked little story, Leslie. Bezels - now I get it!
I see a few opportunities for punctuation:
You don’t need cleaners(;) just use a little elbow...
...to get you promoted(,) and how did you repay me
...promised Satan(.) “Demons' honor."
Nothing but picky punctuation changes needed. Great job! |
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| Very funny, I too was left guessing. As for the Satan / Satin arguement, whereas the former is correct, i felt you were being subtle with the spelling name change, was i wrong ? |
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Comment by: Arley Online- 2008-01-22 05:46
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Hahaha, I should have caught on at Gabriel, but you had me baffled till the last. Very entertaining and damn original take on the theme, Leslie!
Could fill it with empty promises. (Incomplete sentence. Did you leave out a word like HE? “Could he fill”?)
will be as good as a golden fiddle,” promised Satin “Demons honor” (Demon’s. And Sarra’s right, it’s spelled SATAN) |
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Comment by: sarra - 2008-01-22 02:21
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I had to read this a few times but then I got it. That was a cute tale, hehe.
Satin is, however, a fabric, like Silk. I think you were looking for Satan? |
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