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Dante
Dante Prestipino
United States, Missouri, St. Louis

Words: 174
Access: Public
Comments: 18

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John's Box (Karjon's Wee Challenge #24)

John held his breath as he opened the box. The night before the social worker took John away, twenty years ago, he buried this box and vowed not to return until he was ready to face his deepest fears.

John always kept this box buried in the field behind his home. Occasionally, he would dig it up, sift through the items, and drop in another. He knew that this would, eventually, remind him of a happier childhood. The mental map of the box's location was never erased from John’s mind. Nor were the memories of its contents.

As the lid cracked open, John was hit with a wave of emotions. A picture of his first love produced a smile. The smile began to fade with the unearthing of each memento. As the tears began to fill the box, the sins of his family were washed clean. Through his stream of tears, a flash flood of forgiveness engulfed John’s heart. John slowly closed the lid and buried the box for the last time.

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Comments  
easywriter58 Comment by: easywriter58 - 2008-01-29 07:23
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Really a heart-felt story. I have more than a box of memories-some I can't part with but too much to bury. It's good to be able to hold on to the past in this way without overwhelming oneself.
karjon Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-01-28 12:17
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Very well done, Dante. In some stories it's what's not said that shouts the loudest - I'd say that's the case here.

Some excellent lines, in particular 'a flash flood of forgiveness' really resonated with me.

One teensy, tiny crit: last paragraph, repetition of 'tears' within the space of two sentences.

Just a little thing, though - and it doesn't in any way detract from the story.

Thanks for the great read.

Cheers

Karen
frees340 Comment by: frees340 Online- 2008-01-27 08:20
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Emotional. Moving. Powerful. Its pretty darn good. Edit some errors in flow. Thats it. Self checking.
Kowalski Comment by: Kowalski - 2008-01-26 21:44
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Great story. Very interesting take on the challenge, chock-full of emotions.
Kowalski Comment by: Kowalski - 2008-01-26 21:44
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Great story. Very interesting take on the challenge, chock-full of emotions.
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