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Indescribable Love Poem
I dont know why Im trying so hard
Its true we've fallen apart
I can't seem to accept the fact that were practically dead
Everynight I feel your head against my breast
I hear your words
I love you, you say
Before I have the chance to say it back, Im awake
I don't want to wake from my dream
Daily life is a nightmare
You have no idea how much you truly mean to me
Standing in the field I scream
Rain falls down on my tear stained face as I scream
I Love you. I'm Sorry
Come back to me, I whisper as I fall to my knees
Wake me from this nightmare I call life.
Come back and ask me to be your wife.
Shai: I know I can't take the words I said back
I can try my best to fix my unwanted attack
I can live without you
I just choose not too
The colors aren't as bright
Nothing seems to taste right
The sky's not as blue, without you
I'd search the world over just to find us
I know you can't find the trust
But listen to me once more
Listen to your heartbeat
Listen to mine
It beats your name, and yours mine.
I promise you, I'll love you till the end of time.
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| Does he feel and think the same? |
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Comment by: crow024 - 2008-01-24 07:35
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I think the piece suffers from too much telling. I was always of the thought to show not tell. As well pieces of this are cliche:
You have no idea how much you truly mean to me
I can live without you
I just choose not too
The colors aren't as bright
Nothing seems to taste right
The sky's not as blue, without you
Before I have the chance to say it back, Im awake
I don't want to wake from my dream
Daily life is a nightmare
Rain falls down on my tear stained face as I scream
I always find it difficult to write a poem about someone I've lost, it's too tempting to get too emotional, you need to detach yourself from the emotion a little more I feel and write about it in a original way. |
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Comment by: - 2008-01-24 02:57
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highly connective. conveys a sense of mutual dependency even though their is an explicit other denial.
"i love with all that is heart" |
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| this is a very emotional piece....very well written.. |
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