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Louise
Louise Davidson
United Kingdom, Belfast

Words: 175
Access: Public
Comments: 8

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Black Coffee - Challenge #24

Everywhere she looked she saw silver. They were setting the places for tonight. As Elspeth wandered through the tables her reflection was fed back to her, warped by dessert spoons. She stayed in the shadows. She wasn’t meant to be down here and she wasn't going to give Lola another excuse to whip her. Not that Lola needed many excuses after the bourbon and the sadness.

Honey was making fragrant black coffee at the bar. Upstairs Lola took her coffee with milk, diluting it from oil to the colour of her own skin. Not here, though.

“It’s all an act, darling. Everything is.”

Lola sang with a voice that sounded like chocolate death. It made Elspeth’s hair stand on end. It almost made her forgive Lola her sadness and how she would lead men upstairs to their room to let them comfort her. Elspeth didn’t know how they did it but she knew that it didn’t work. Elspeth wondered if Lola knew.

Lola said her sadness made her great.

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Comments  
Louise Comment by: Louise - 2008-02-01 09:43
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Awwww Bill, you are too kind but I think that it would be a damn shame if the world was deprived of your writings... even tho dog portraits could do with a boost lol
Kowalski Comment by: Kowalski - 2008-01-31 17:26
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You wrote this when you should have been paying attention? First, naughty girl, you; and second, it rocks.

Man. All the work I put in and my story pales in comparison to what you toss out so casually. I think I'm going to quit this writing thing and go back to dog portraits.
Dakota Comment by: Dakota - 2008-01-28 14:35
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A very evocative and moving piece. You manage to express these lives, bringing them to life so succinctly and but us in their moments with vivid poetic discriptions.
'her reflection was fed back to her, warped by dessert spoons', amazing line. A terrific piece of writing. Thank you.
karjon Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-01-28 12:50
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Brilliant - great descriptions, once again, and I felt like I was there. You created such a melancholy mood with this one - and that last line is a cracker.

One crit - you need a comma between 'upstairs' and 'Lola'.

Cheers

Karen
Arley Comment by: Arley - 2008-01-26 11:18
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I like the mood and atmosphere of this piece, Louise, and really got intrigued with Lola. Also like your name choices. Good Job!
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