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Louise
Louise Davidson
United Kingdom, Belfast

Words: 175
Access: Public
Comments: 9

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Mission Inexplicable - Challenge #24

John held his breath as he opened the box.The day had begun so normally but had increasingly worsened, starting off with finding the box in the first place.

He had been shouted at, shot at, hit with a broom and at one memorable point, found in the classroom of a convent school in a highly embarrassing situation involving a rubber clown nose and a chicken but now it would all be explained. He would know why this box, the source of so much trouble, had been sent to him. The lid creaked as it moved.

Straw... The box was full of straw...but it had felt heavy... John disturbed a handful and something scuttled beneath it, nails clicking on the wood. He cried out in surprise and slammed the lid down hard, just as a large chunk was blown out of his front door. He flew backwards against the wall, crouched on the floor as five heavily armed men entered the flat.

“Come with us,” said one. “Bring the box.”

Would it never end?

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Comments  
thelonelyguy Comment by: thelonelyguy - 2008-02-11 15:15
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Great read! Was that a rubber nose or hose? Gotta love those embarrassing chickens. Really enjoyed it.
Kowalski Comment by: Kowalski - 2008-01-31 17:22
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Louise, I don't want to sound like a broken record, but I love your latest story.. I love your latest story... I love your latest story...

Really cool. My vote for winner.

Bill
LouiseKay Comment by: LouiseKay - 2008-01-29 11:53
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LOL! Oh my God, this is hysterical! I love this kind of screw-ball story. Imp, gremlin or some other fun, creepy creature has been secured in John's box, I'm sure. Hehehe! Great read! :)
karjon Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-01-28 13:08
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Haha - very good, Louise - John should buy some lucky white heather.

It is a good story, but the punctuation is off quite frequently - take another look at your commas in particular - some unnecessary, some missing.

Thanks for another good read.

Cheers

Karen
kmorales Comment by: kmorales - 2008-01-27 12:24
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oooooo mysterious.

Nice read. Thanks.
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