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No title yet
Back in the day,
when we first met.
I said I would be there for you,
and have no regrets.
Back in the days,
when our love was new.
I gave you my heart.
You gave me yours too.
Those days remain
a part of our past.
The feelings we had then,
we knew they would last.
That brings me to today,
and proudly I stand.
Declaring my love for you,
as I take your hand.
To honor you with my love,
today is my vow.
To cherish you with my heart,
to thee I endow.
As I think of the day,
when I first saw you.
I knew the time would come,
when I'd say "I Do."
Now the future is ours to share,
together as one.
Withstanding life's trials, my love,
whatever may come.
So as we move on, my dear,
and time ticks away.
Remember the love we share,
and think back to this day.
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Comment by: Cherley - 2008-02-28 16:07
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| This is a nice poem and I thought the same thing on the the title. Something about day, anyway. I read your story in Long Story Short too. |
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what if you call it "Back in The Days"
that is such a sweet, perfect poem.
at some points, i think, the poem's flow could be worked on with the addition of ands. |
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Julz,
I knew you'd come through for me! Thanks. I'll take another look at those sections. |
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Awesome poem, my friend. I love the flow and the sentiment. Here are a few suggestions:
This verse seems forced to me. It's not bad in the least, just a bit forced, and I have nothing to offer as far as a quick fix. I thought maybe it would help if I pointed it out.
Those days will always be
a part of our past.
The feelings we had back then,
we knew they would last.
As I think of the day,
when I first saw you.
I knew this day would come,
when I'd say "I Do."
I thought you might want to ex out the double use of day in this verse.
how about...
Thinking back to the day
I first laid eyes on you
I knew a joyous time would come
for me to say "I do"
That's all I have, Verdi. I love what you have done, and I would have been honored to have this read at my ceremony!
Julz |
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| Thanks Andrew! |
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