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poetress411
Julia Press Simmons
United States

Words: 177
Access: Public
Comments: 15

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The proposal

John held his breath as he opened the box. A hush settled over the restaurant; all the patrons waited anxiously for a response with him. His knee started to hurt and his hand trembled.

“Will you?” he asked again. His voice croaked, because his heart had risen up into his throat and obstructed his vocal chords. Sheryl’s eyes filled with tears that did not fall. Hope, John thought, a glimmer of hope.

A waiter broke the silence by crashing through the door with his desert cart. It went unnoticed. They were united as one; the entire restaurant was caught up in the romance of the moment.

Sheryl smacked the dog shit out of him. There was a sharp intake of breath as an elderly lady’s face crumpled in dismay.

His heart broke into tiny pieces. “I…I…you…”

“Shut up,” she snatched the ring out of his hands. “I think my sister will want to pawn this after I tell her what a twisted sleeziod you really are.” She turned on her heel and left.

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Comments  
poetguyraza Comment by: poetguyraza - 2008-09-06 01:34
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Now that's just plain mean... And why did she even go out with her sister's guy... Seriously women do the weirdest things...
mikepyro Comment by: mikepyro - 2008-05-08 21:15
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ha. very nice ending. a quick break from sweet to sour.
both humorous and emotional, its a well rounded piece. nice job.
YolandaRenee Comment by: YolandaRenee - 2008-04-27 09:36
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What a surprise, starts out so sweet and them wham! I loved it!
karjon Comment by: karjon - 2008-01-29 00:31
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Couldn't help wondering why she'd gone to dinner with her sister's man - ooh, what did he tell her? That he needed to talk to her about her sister?

'all the patrons waited anxiously for a response with him.' Reads a little awkwardly. Maybe: 'all the patrons waited with him for a response' - does that make sense, or is just too early in the morning for me?

Anyway - enjoyed it and it's good to see you back.

Cheers

Karen
LouiseKay Comment by: LouiseKay - 2008-01-28 07:44
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Hmmm...I'm assuming the sisters are twins? Could use a little more background but still, this gripped me and kept me reading. Did not see that twist coming. good job.
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"Strawberry Mansion: A Philadelphia Story"

by Julia Press Simmons



Set in a small section of North Philadelphia, in the spring of 1996, Strawberry Mansion depicts three teenage girls’, Tabitha, Lisa, and Shanice; struggle to rise above domestic violence, incest, and promiscuity, on their journey to become successful young women

Strawberry Mansion: A Philadelphia Story

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