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Chimera
Everywhere she looked she saw silver. It glowed on the roofs and frosted the tops of trees. It glinted with twinkling lights on the horizon, having settled on the distant ocean, heralding a supernatural night as light as day. The dreamscape both excited and consoled her; inviting her to step beyond her sorry world and into another.
She hunched over, trying to protect her bruised ribs as she climbed the last few rungs of the fire escape. Her steps faultered; she couldn't look away from the silver white light, but winced against her throbbing gashes.
Once at the top, she could see over the town. He was out there somewhere, laughing as in the courtroom, free to rape again.
“Chimera,” he’d whispered into her ear as he’d passed her in the courtroom corridor. She hadn’t known what he’d meant; now that she did the information was redundant.
She looked up at the moon. It straddled her small world, offering her oblivion; it was then that she decided to take it.
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Aside from the editing suggestions (all Gold, by the way) this is a beautifully written piece.
I thought the bruises were emotional. |
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Comment by: DKav Online- 2008-02-05 18:20
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This is a beautifully written story, the silvery dream-like landscape contrast with the physical and emotional turmoil your narrator goes through. I like the fact that the serenity of the landscape inspires confidence in her.
Having read it again, I wonder what will happen to her. Will her turmoil and helplessness destroy her, and the serenity set her free?
I hope the evil man gets his comeuppance.
thank you and best wishes |
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Comment by: lucy Online- 2008-01-30 07:11
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| Captivating. Want to know the rest of the story, first part and last part! More more! I can see her climbing, the light, the fear, the fear most of all. |
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Comment by: karjon - 2008-01-29 07:27
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Hi Sharon
Some gorgeous descriptions here and, for the most part, an excellent story. I have one plausibility problem:
The chimera raped her, has gone to court, got away with it, whispered a menacing word in her ear in the courtroom. Then she is climbing up to commit suicide - kind of understandably. But she still has bruises and gashes from the rape. Given how long it would take the case to go to court, that seems unlikely - unless he did actually rape her again straight after he was set free?
Hmm - that aside, I love the writing.
Cheers
Karen |
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I love the fact you used "chimera" in it so centrally. It's a rarely seen, interesting word that raises questions in this context. And that adds dimension to this excellent work. No crits, everybody else did that for me.
Really sad and lovely story. |
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