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Chris Millar
Chris Hastie
United Kingdom, East Sussex, Eastbourne

Words: 175
Access: Public
Comments: 8

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Wee Challenge part 2

Everywhere she looked she saw silver, gold; jewels, and opals the size of her fist. Valerie dived into the room, immersing herself in the treasures. John watched her, relieved she had finally accepted that the ‘brick’ was in fact a key to the riches hidden in the crypt.

‘Careful,’ he called out ‘there may be traps.’

She froze ‘Traps?’

‘What did you think, they will leave all this for people to steal?’

‘Traps.’ she repeated

John laughed, then calmed her down ‘Just be careful around the Sarcophagus.'

‘Scar-cough-a-what?’

‘The coffin.’ he stated pointing.

‘Coffin ?’

John shook his head, she was beautiful, but such a numpty head. Patiently he calmed her down again and directed on what to remove from the chamber and how. The glittering pretty things took her mind off the traps and that there was a dead body in the room.

Valerie didn’t live long enough to enjoy the spoils of her Egyptian adventure. She died mysteriously on the journey home, her corpse, found shrivelled like a two thousand year old mummy.

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Comments  
karjon Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-01-29 07:43
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Aw, poor Valerie - just cannon-fodder.

100 extra points for use of the word 'numpty'.

There's a lot of punctuation missing from the dialogue sections, but I'm sure you'll catch it with another look.

I enjoyed the linked stories, Chris - very well done.

Cheers

Karen
Audiogeist Comment by: Audiogeist - 2008-01-29 03:48
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Rough justice grave robbers!

Also love the numpty head btw!

Just the one - 'The glittering pretty things took her mind off the traps and (the) fact there was a dead body in the room.' Eek..scuppers your word count though!
Ria Comment by: Ria - 2008-01-28 10:22
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Ha! Bad luck for her!
Chris Millar Comment by: Chris Millar - 2008-01-28 08:27
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Want to know what happened to John ?

See new upload !
Arley Comment by: Arley - 2008-01-26 11:55
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Ah, I should have known (got here after reading your other one). Gee, wonder what happened to John? Great job, Chris!
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By Chris Millar

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