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citydweller
j. steinhoff
United States, NY, Brooklyn

Words: 180
Access: Public
Comments: 5

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Voodoo (Wee Challenge #24)

John held his breath as he opened the box of needles. He placed one in the machine and wound a red string around the bobbin.

The felt he selected was dense and heavy; it reminded him of camping, the final days of his boyhood. His father wore a felt workman's shirt, which he used to polish rocks by the stream. John's father called the stream a "crick" and could make stones skip across it. The stones glowed in his fist after he polished them. When he launched them, they were no longer stones but birds or insects, driven by a writhing inner core. In John's hands, the stones lost their levity, went cold. They made arcs instead of lines, hitting the water dumbly and sinking back into the black silt.

As he sealed the edge of the felt figure, John imagined stuffing his own body with cotton. He removed the needle from the machine and jabbed it into the doll's gut, feeling a sharp jolt in his own belly, an electricity all his own.

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Comments  
karjon Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-01-30 14:04
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Really liked this one, J - manufacturing his own pain in a very deliberate way - intersting idea.

Great descriptions, as always, and wee story that'll stay with me for a while.

Cheers

Karen
Dakota Comment by: Dakota - 2008-01-28 09:24
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Amazing. Very interesting angles. I love the comparison between his fathers handling of the stones and his. The magic of understanding well portrayed.

Ideas:
Maybe repetition of words - possibly use others to make it flow (even better).
easywriter58 Comment by: easywriter58 - 2008-01-26 19:54
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Looks like a working Voo Doo doll to me. Nice little twist to the story.
vlclasby Comment by: vlclasby - 2008-01-26 16:10
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Nice, dark little story. Sounds like poor John was never good enough, couldn't live up to old dad's expectations. I thought he was making a 'dad' doll. Nice twist.
Arley Comment by: Arley - 2008-01-26 12:22
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John the masochist, eh J.? Now a guy who knows his way around a sewing machine probably didn’t get to play outdoors enough as a child, heh heh. Good job!
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By citydweller

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