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Awaken
The sleeping minds,
Mired in trivial pursuits,
Endlessly filled with anxiety.
The energy created,
Then drawn like thick sour medicine,
Re-injected time and time again into a soul.
It spreads, infectious,
Throughout the land
From mind to mind and heart to heart.
One must work hard to defeat it!
One must awaken to see it for what it is,
Or one must lie in the murky deep waters of it.
But, there is a way out...
You can save yourselves.
You can revert back to the soul leaving the ego behind.
Awaken dear ones.
Awaken from your fearful dreams.
Come to the light, let go your dark cloaks.
Be real, not whispered visions.
Align your thoughts away from the darkness.
Awaken to love unimaginable.
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Comment by: Willow - 2008-01-26 22:14
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Babe, I believe everyone is saying the same thing - This is an essay, not a poem.
Ask yourself. |
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Comment by: - 2008-01-26 11:23
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With all due respect to Mike, I think that the form a poem takes is determined by message. While I was not in your head when you wrote the poem, I am sure you have your reasons for excluding punctuation. If you feel that targeted punctuation enhances the message and finesses the form/structure of the poem, then work on it by all means.
Personally, I think the lack of punctuation lends a frenetic quality to the poem which creates a sense of urgency, a sense of impending resolution. |
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| I think, you have a heavy message to get across in this poem. But your lack of attention to the simple punctuation, signals to the reader of where to pause, to breathe, to add emphasis, detract from your message. I realize some schools of poetry enforce the no punctuation use, but I am not a member of that school of thought. Let it sit for a forte night then return, and rework including the puncuation. You might like the next go around better. |
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