I don't deal with things well, I don't show emotions that much. It's not that I don't have them or feel them, but it's just that I learned that being emotional didn't serve a purpose.

I guess I was an emotional teenager, probabaly really dramatic. So much so that my mother often told me to, "Get over yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You know the world doesn't revolve around Michele." I can understand where she was coming from, I am sure she was just tired of listening to me whine about whatever it was, but it hurt. It made me feel like she didn't care about how I felt about anything. Like because I was just a kid, my feelings didn't matter.

Now I know it sounds like I am putting the blame partially on her, but I am not. I am just trying to understand my behavior myself. Everything I am today is my own fault. Yes I am a product of my environment, but at some point what I am and have become I have to be accountable for it.

As with everything that is me I am either at one extreme or another. I either am emotional or am not. I either over eat or don't eat. I either am organized or a messy pig. I either like myself or most times am itching to get out of my own skin.

Where's the balance? I want...I need to find that balance.

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