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jesscat
Jessica Muni
United States

Words: 42
Access: Public
Comments: 5

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from cream to butter

I can feel the pulse
beating in my head
I can watch my fingers shaking
and know this, I am not dead.

The weaker I get
the more I understand
How amazing is each heartbeat
and I know I am not dead

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Comments  
aprilmayed Comment by: aprilmayed - 2008-04-17 16:19
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I like your title. I think you should keep it. It's not obvious...but not everything has to be in poetry. That's the great thing about poetry...you can leave people wondering sometimes.
aprilmayed Comment by: aprilmayed - 2008-04-05 17:04
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Not what I was expecting at all...but I really liked it all the same.
indieblackout Comment by: indieblackout - 2008-02-21 20:32
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I enjoyed this, simple and straight to the point. Sometimes we do have to fall down to our knees in order to understand and appreciate the simplicity of standing. You conveyed that point very well, even if it wasn't the point you wanted to convey, haha.
jesscat Comment by: jesscat - 2008-01-26 17:22
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Oh yeah thanks for pointing out that typo there! I hadn't titled it, and that was the first title i could think of. Have you seen Catch Me if you can? yeah I got the title off of that. If I make the poem longer, I'll probably bas it off of that. thanks for the comment
Comment by: - 2008-01-26 17:02
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I liked this piece it’s simple but gets the point across. I do have some suggestions though firstly on the 4th line change now to know. It’s not a big deal but I didn’t know whether you wanted it to be now or know until I read the last line. Also why don’t you try adding the title to the piece I believe it would make it stronger and work as a whole better. Anyway it’s all up to you.
Great piece!!
1

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