Unwanted
(This one is a work in progress...)
You have your life of freedom...
Riches untold, not even understood.
I walked away from all that,
To pursue a calling the masses wouldn’t understand.
I signed up to have my mind and soul battered,
To be willingly broken down to nothing and rebuilt again...
Rebuilt for one purpose, take direction from my command,
And do the things you might think unspeakable.
But do them, I did...
Horrors, I did find...
Atrocities unimaginable were common place,
And I stayed, I followed and did what I was told.
Somewhere inside I became broken again.
I carried out my orders, fulfilled my duty...
To my God, My country and My calling...
For reasons you will probably never understand.
And now I return,
To the life I had before.
My love can no longer relate to my being,
Can no longer see me for who I once was.
I carry unseen wounds though I survived my duty.
I gave my life so others could live,
And returned to a world that doesn’t want me.
I’m unwanted for heeding a calling.
Now I’m here among you so changed.
I may appear normal on the outside,
But deep within me is an abyss of pain...
I did what I was told.
I can’t fit in to this world that I so loved.
So, do my best to act my somewhat normal part.
I try to relate to the world I once knew,
But I stand here within it unwanted.
I fought for freedom.
I fought for things I didn’t understand.
I followed my command and broke down further.
Now what would you have me do?
Now where would you have me go?
Sometimes I'm viewed with hatred.
Sometimes I'm viewed with a shred of understanding.
Regardless, I’ll drink away the pain inside.
That pain no one else can see or touch.
It's that that is most unwanted.
I didn’t want this pain.
Maybe I didn’t understand my calling.
But called, I was...
And willingly, I went.
I fought for my country
On foreign ground.
I witnessed sights of terror.
I wallowed in the animosity of the fight.
I lived to survive and conduct my mission.
I return now broken, so unwanted.
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