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Rolling Back Prices
My jacket; corduroy and missing some buttons
Too thin for my slacks wish I was a glutton
I knew my shirt was dirty when I put it on
Complimented by a stained tie I found in my lawn
I'm walking down this suburban neighborhood
Every person I pass passes judgment; I'm no good
I smile to myself, enjoying being a sore thumb
Teenagers throw trash at me, glad I don't have my gun
Made it to the strip mall close to my place
Outsourcing stores and every face is fake
I cross the street and almost get hit by a Beamer
Would've had the right of way if I was cleaner
It won't be long now; my wife asleep in the bed
Both of my children have a bullet in their heads
Left the gas on and the fire place blazing
Wish I was there the explosion should be amazing
Walked into Starbucks and then got thrown out
Reminds me why I'm throwing in the towel; getting out
7 Eleven let me in, so I bought two 40's and moved on
Ended my purchase and my wife's body landed in the lawn
The explosion had the strip mall distracted
So I pick-pocketed each person who reacted
Took the keys to a lady's Mercedes and drove away
Started drinking my 40's on the way, middle of the day
Set the charges on the dynamite wrapped on my ribs
Accelerate towards a bus full of handicapped kids
My pulse is steady, my mind is focused, I' on track
I hit the switch and explode right on impact
The children die screaming, I however died on the spot
I'm the president of Wal-mart, the name is Lee Scott
*"Rolling back prices" is a trade mark of the Walmart corporation and this poem is in no way endorsed by Walmart or any of its subsidiaries. Lee Scott was not harmed in the making of this poem.*
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| so did not expect the poem to change the way it did - very well written, like the Beamer lines. Nicely politically charged. love it. |
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Wow, what a story. Good job. "I smile to myself, enjoying being a sore thumb" - great fucking line.
Jsut a few little notes. I found some of the rhyming a little distracting in the beginnning but I didn't even notice it at the end. And I loved, loved, loved the little disclaimer at the bottom.
Anyways, minor things,
"Every person I pass passes judgment; I'm no good" - not sure about the repeating word.
"Took the keys to a lady's Mercedes and drove away
Started drinking my 40's on the way, middle of the day" - I'm not sure of all the rhymes in this part. Maybe just
"Took the keys to a lady's Mercedes and drove away
Started drinking my 40's in the middle of the day"
but it's your choice it rocks either way.
I see Nora's point of the Seven-Eleven thing starting a sentance but because the organization does not spell out the 7. You have it right but it's 7-Eleven. Sorry, we have a lot of them in Hawaii and the 7 is never spelled out.
Great piece. I don't know how you do it but you always do. |
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Comment by: precar - 2008-02-06 17:39
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| I won't get into details because others already have (other than to point out that it's Beemer). This is a great read. It's irreverent but not in bad taste. It seems the individual in your poem only went the extra step of carrying out what so many dissatisfied Americans must feel every day of their lives. Very original piece, well done. |
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Comment by: Apollo - 2008-02-06 09:17
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| I made most of the changes you recommended Nora, I left Beamer in there because changing it to BMW would fuck up the rhyme but your point is a very good one, writing it as BMW would reinforce the point of the poem. Thanks for reading... you always give me good notes... |
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Comment by: sickSAM - 2008-02-05 23:04
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| that shit is punk rock |
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