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Twisted (Karjon wee challenge #25)
She certainly had a twisted view of the world, it seemed. Where did they come from, her thoughts and perceptions? Nobody she knew thought like that, not around here. Some things weren't debatable, like "only the fittest survive". I guess it didn't matter anymore, she thought as she swallowed the last drop of the most disgusting concoction. At least not for a while. The drink would provide her with some ease for her discomfort and misery. Her flesh was just as twisted as her thoughts now and there was no one for miles to help her.
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I see what you mean about the 3rd person and all, but really I preferred it that way, as I felt it brought the reader to a closer position to the character. I'm not a trained writer so...not sure about that.
As far as what it all means...she's stumbled upon some weird group who seem to be surveillancing the general area. So she's been spying on them to try and figure out what they're up to, but can't tell anyone outside of a few for fear of being thought a nut. Not one of them would believe her. It's really freaking her out. So she gets hurt while surveillancing the surveillancers who use these hovering helicopters to slink around in the night. She's under the impression the injury is pretty bad, she lives in the boonies and its at night, she's alone in the woods near a large pasture. Nobody's coming by.
The drink she's drinking is mushroom tea of the hallucinogenic kind and so it's not clear at this point whether the twisted flesh is real or imagined. And as you may have guessed, given her 'hobbies' she is physically and mentally isolated and feeling very alone in the world. And nobody's comin' by. hahaha. |
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Comment by: karjon - 2008-02-13 06:14
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Hmm - interesting. So, the mc has a world view that sets her apart, but is also physically disabled - labelled 'different'? Is she killing herself at the end - and doing it somewhere no one will find and 'save' her? Preferring oblivion to 'fitting in'?
Hope I got that right.
Couple of picky things:
'I guessed it didn't matter anymore' - should be 'She guessed it didn't matter anymore' - for consistency with the rest of the voice. You'd have to change the next part to 'as she swallowed' etc. but it really jars as it stands at the moment.
'awhile' should be 'a while'.
Not sure I've got this one - but I'll come back and read it again.
Cheers
Karen |
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Comment by: lancslass Online- 2008-02-12 19:14
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| P.S. I have a love/hate relationship with your pic. It's clever but I can hardly bare to look at it :) |
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Comment by: lancslass Online- 2008-02-12 19:12
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| I'm probably reading this tale all wrong, but I keep thinking about someone who's fallen off a mountain, and the fittest is not surviving. Go figure. Don't know where my thoughts come from either! Anyway, interesting and well written. |
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| One correction I noticed. You wrote: "At least not for while." Change while to awhile. Reads better and is better usage. Janet |
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