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THE GATHERING
How to tell this? How to explain when the very things that allow me to do so - whilst being my confidantes - are inevitable, anathema?
I type. Each staccato click is a trenchant knell, tempting me onwards. I’ve been here before you see, many times. And I know what will happen. And what won’t.
The fingers of my left hand murmur and pat upon the keys while those of my right tick and tock with their over-long guitarist’s nails. As always it’s the sound of a clock running backwards, marking time from the unknown towards the known.
The inescapable.
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Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-02-13 06:43
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Hmm - the thoughts gathering in a writer's head, forming a story, flowing through his fingers onto the keys onto the screen/paper.
Interesting take on the title. Some of the sentences were a wee bit convoluted.
'How to explain when the very things that allow me to do so - whilst being my confidantes - are inevitable, anathema?' I'd be inclined to stick with commas rather than dashes there as I think it would flow better. Not sure about 'inevitable, anathema' - unless you used the word 'both'. Does that make sense? Probably not.
I like it, though - like the idea and sense of being dragged on, almost on auto-pilot.
Cheers
Karen |
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| Hi neighbour, I love the sounds this piece makes in my head as I read it. I suspect I don't entirely understand it, but I love the mood and the feel. |
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Wow. My typing is forever changed. Maybe I'll switch to dvorak.
I’ve been here before you see,
Comma error? Perhaps?
How to explain when the very things that allow me to do so - whilst being my confidantes - are inevitable, anathema?
Whilst throws things off abit. It did for me.
I like it overall. Its got some great diction. |
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Comment by: wizzer Online- 2008-02-09 14:02
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love the ticktock time waiting for ? nothing
great mood/ images speed of telling
xxxgeo
could be stronger without the AND starting the two sentneces second para
not sure the first para adds anything to the story i'm afraid |
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