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In amongst the trees
Walking in the forest
With an unsettling breeze
Can I hear a whisper?
In amongst the trees
A creature scurrying
Rustling up the leaves
Trick of the light, maybe
A conscience to appease
Heart is pounding faster
Bringing me to my knees
Surely now is not my time
In amongst the trees
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| Wow! Amazing piece! I am very impressed! |
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| Woa, realized what this was about as I got to the end. I'm glad the MC lasted long enought write about it! It's a lovely forest image with the rustling leaves. And I could think of a lot worse ways to go... |
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| Could use a little punctuation, also has little grammatical errors. otherwise it's kind of fun to read |
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Nice piece, but would suggest a bit more punctuation and possibly some line revision for effect:
- Walking in the forest
With an unsettling breeze;
Can I hear a whisper
In amongst the trees?
Unseen creature,
Scurrying,
Rustling,
Among the leaves;
Trick of light?
maybe
A conscience to appease.
Heart pounding faster
Bringing me to my knees
Surely now is not my time,
In amongst the trees.
Just a few suggestions. Overall..I like this poem...can be taken literally or allegorically. Nice. |
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