BILLY: “Chief Eagle! Chief Eagle!”
CHIEF: “Billy, is that you? What’s wrong?”
BILLY: “Chief, Christopher was trying to eat me. “
CHRISTOPHER: “I was not”
BILLY: “You were too!”
CHRISTOPHER: “No I wasn’t!”
BILLY: “Chief, I swear, I woke up and he was there over me, huge mouth open, two inches green fangs in there, I thought he was about to swallow my whole head!”
CHIEF: “is that true, Christopher?”
CHRISTOPHER: “No, well, yes, technically, but...”
CHIEF: “Well, we don’t eat our roommates around here.”
CHRISTOPHER: “But that’s not what...”
CHIEF: “Tsk tsk, I thought the rules of this program were clear to all. Yes, this is the first experimental Interspecific Space Scout Camp, we are indeed expecting some problems but come on, cannibalism...
CHRISTOPHER: “Oh, let me speak, already, you human. First, my name is not Christopher but Ch’Xigh[ultrtasound]spsshpx[wavy tentacle gesture]pod, and, technically, eating Billy would not make me a cannibal, since we’re not even the same species!”
CHIEF: “Well, that’s quite besides the point.”
CH’XIGH[etc.]: “No it is not. We just don’t eat dense food!”
CHIEF: “Oh come on now... aren’t you demeaning to Billy by calling him dense?”
BILLY: “Actually, Chief, I think he is right, I’ve seen them in the cafeteria. They use, you know, the other extremity of their bodies, inject some liquid into the meatloaf, then suck it all up, I’ve never seen him really biting anything at all, now that I think about it.”
CHIEF: “Oh well, in that case...”
CH’XIGH[etc.]:“See? What did I tell you!”
CHIEF: “So, then, what were you trying to do to Billy then?
CH’XIGH[etc.]:“Well, I was trying to kiss him of course!”
BILLY: “Ow, gross!”
CHIEF: “You were trying to... to... to... to.. what?”
BILLY: “Ow! Yuk! Yuk! Ow!”
CH’XIGH[etc.]:“To kiss him, I said, do I need to adjust the volume of my translator box? That’s just the way we kiss.”
BILLY: “Hypergalactic yuk! Barf! Barf!”
CHIEF: “But, why Christopher, we thought you were, well, you know, not that there’s anything wrong with that, to quote the Scriptures.”
CH’XIGH[etc.]:“I’m not male, if that’s what you are implying.”
CHIEF: “Oh, my, there must have been an awful mistake then. You are female?”
CH’XIGH[etc.]:“Naw, we don’t have that. I’m Ix[beepling sound]rod. We have five genders, and I’m what you would call the decorative-expressive-[untranslatable] one, we have the task to express love while the other four genders engage in the mating dance. Isn’t that why you put me next to Billy in the first place? Isn’t Billy Ix[beepling sound]rod as well?
BILLY: “No, I don’t think so. Am I that, chief?
CHIEF: “Not that I know of Billy. Ok, new rule, there will be no eating roommates nor kissing them, and above all, no expressing love for others to mate, do we understand each other?”
CH’XIGH[etc.]:“Yes sir!”
BILLY: “Ok chief!”
CHIEF: “Alrighty then. I’ll be turning in, now. Be good.
#
CH’XIGH[etc.]:“Say, would you like go see the Exed[yellow hue]grob take off their T[high frequency pitch ]dornarsts?”
BILLY: “Yeah, cool, I heard that’s, like, totally gross!”
CH’XIGH[etc.]: “Let’s go, I know a couple of ways to make them scream until they lay eggs...”

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