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The Gathering: Wee challenge #25
He was snoring. Tanya paused to gather her thoughts before she checked out.
She stepped over Mr Donaldson's fleeting moment of suspicion to retrieve the shudder of self-loathing she’d left screwed up at the foot of the bed, and tucked it into her handbag.
She swept her regret at not having finished the second bottle of bubbly off the bedside table, and shoved it under the pillow, along with last night’s vain hope that he’d pass out before she had to fake it again.
And then she took another photo. If her promotion came through, his wife need never know.
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Comment by: karjon - 2008-02-17 07:00
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I'm torn with this one, Ada - part of me thinks the prose is a little too purple, part of me likes the metaphors you've adopted. I do love the idea nd the last line, though.
Thanks for the read.
Cheers
Karen (who can never make up her mind). |
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| Wow! Very perceptive, very well done, brilliant, in fact. |
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| Ha Ha Ha Ha brilliant us of the adjectives, damn this was perfect! |
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This is great, Ada. Particularly enjoyed, 'along with last night’s vain hope that he’d pass out before she had to fake it again'. Great last line, too - let's hope the wife never gets the photo.
Wouldn't it be nice if you could leave self-loathing screwed up somewhere, together with self-doubt and self-consciousness? |
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Comment by: wizzer - 2008-02-12 14:10
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enjoyed this /visual/ great flow/ well paced ..i like the fact that he won't screw her both ways!
well done xxx geo |
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