It was January 21st when I got the phone call from his sister…she was crying and she said slowly, quietly, trying not to choke, ‘He’s Dead…’. When her voice trailed off, I knew that she wasn’t lying, and I started crying, sobbing, and tears were flowing down my face.
I never expected any of this to happen. The person that I had loved so dearly, is now dead.
She went on to tell me that he had committed suicide, and that his note had told it all. It talked about all of his pain that he held inside. And how he missed his one friend that had died a few months before, in a car crash. They were like brothers.
He talked about his love for this one special girl, and how he knew she didn’t love him. She once did…but not anymore.
The last part of the note talked about how he loved his family very much, and he didn’t want them to be sad. He just wanted them to be happy. He is, he’s in a better place.

I thought back to all the times that I was with him, all those fun, crazy, and amusing times we had together…
Like the time that we were camping and it was really late and we were bored so we walked around the park. I was a little scared, and he told me, ‘Don’t be afraid, I’m here. I’ll be your Edward Cullen.’
The time we were at a friends, and we played football in the pouring rain.
The time we did games at the camp, I was in the dunk tank, my lips were turning blue, with the chilliness of the water. He took my place.
All those great times. I will never be able to do anything with him again.

This was just so hard for me to believe. I just couldn’t understand why he would really take his life. I know, yes, things can get tough…but that’s what you have friends for. They are there to listen. Most of the time, they understand what you are going through. And they love you. They will listen to whatever you have to say, but still, he did it.
He was such a great person, he always listened to what we had to say, but I guess…we never listened to how he felt. He was so influential in my life, I think, in a lot of other peoples lives too. He shown bright, brighter than many other people. His loving heart made him so great. His caring mind, his soft hands, his loyal personality had drawn so many people close to him. That’s why I just didn’t understand…
Day and night, I thought about it. I couldn’t get him off my mind. Whenever I closed my eyes, I pictured his face. I felt so sad, I missed him. I felt this pain, so deep. It felt like he had a part of me with him, and now I can’t get it back. And also like someone plunged a knife deep into my large, red, bloody, beating heart. And every time I heard something or thought about him, it just felt like it went in deeper.
After a while though, I started realizing something…when you love someone, sometimes that love drives you further and further into doing something. You can’t control what you do. And that love that he had for that special girl, drove him crazy, and made him do this. It made him take his life.
Unfortunately for me, that special was Me.

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