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I want to show you
I want to show you
the Mississippi in the October light
the monarch butterflies
turning the goldenrod bronze
the apple trees in my back yard
their fruit dappled in the sunlight
the baby angelfish on the swordtail plant
pappa catching them when they tumble off and
spitting them back two or three at a time
my horse prancing in the glow of the low-set sun
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Comment by: jgilgun - 2008-03-14 06:00
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| Thank you, David. I will post more either in a few mintues or tomorrow. I have to be off to work. |
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| Sorry, Jane - just realised you were having trouble editing. Did you work it out? There's just the word 'Edit' somewhere on the screen when you call up your poem; click on it, make your changes, then click on 'Save upload' (or however they word it). |
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Comment by: phillmag Online- 2008-03-13 15:26
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| i echo Rosie's comments i too like: "turning the goldenrod bronze". your images show clear vision. |
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Comment by: jgilgun - 2008-02-23 09:47
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Thanks, Rosie. I'm new to the site and can't figure out how to edit yet. Unfortunately, I have to go now, but I will check out your comments. I was unsure of how to handle the apple tree image, too, but I can still see the apples in the sunlight. Maybe that is all I have to say.
best wishes
Jane |
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Oh - so I guess fish can fall, then! (See my comment on Sweet Angel)
What lovely imagery, Jane. I particularly love 'turning the goldenrod bronze'.
You've got 'its' to refer to 'apple trees', so something needs to change.
Also, the lovely detail about the fish threw me a bit, when we had been placed so explicitly in your garden. Is there a way to get us from the garden to the fish tank?
But what a great love poem. If I were really nit-picking, I'd suggest finding a word to replace 'dappled' because, however well it fits in, it's the only image in the poem that isn't of your own devising. |
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