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Adam Faeroe
United States, TN, Nashville-ish

Words: 469
Access: Public
Comments: 4

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Meta Leone .1

A soft whir droned in his ears, but it was his sense of smell that effectively stirred his psyche and caused it to leave behind the comforts of deep sleep. The unmistakable quality of recycled air, which had been conditioned in an attempt to freshen it and mask its canned scent, reached his nostrils, filled his lungs, and swirled the fog in his mind. Unnatural odors of plastic and metal, and the lack of reverberation conveyed to his barely-conscious brain that he was not in his own bed. This space was considerably smaller and only scarcely able to accommodate him.

With his head still in transition between realms, his body began catching up slowly. Though only vaguely, he was cognizant of the myriad of sensations that were caused by all the devices that had kept him alive and sedated as they were being withdrawn from their intrusive positions. He felt the tug of the catheter, and then the relief of its absence, as it was pulled from his urethra, immediately followed by awareness that he was naked. Then the intravenous needle as it was withdrawn from his arm, and the feeding tube as it was retracted from his nose. As well as all of the other electrodes, probes and invasive gizmos as they retreated from his body and were stowed in their respective compartments.

The quality of the air within the chamber sweetened as the concentration of oxygen was increased, and the ever-present hum became more prevalent as the fan that circulated the inner atmosphere sped up, both aiding in the endeavor to bring him to a fully alert state. As is often the case when one wakes up in a strange place, the voice in his head asked: Where am I? Usually, as the mind throws off the shroud of sleepiness, the awakened one can remember, or figure out, the answer to that question. Having virtually no light with which to ascertain his actual situation, he could easily have assumed that he was in a coffin. With realization of this possibility came the urge to panic, and he might have done so if he were inclined to give in to such impulses, and if he could move.

Though he was now fully able to feel, he was still immobilized. Selective paralysis would remain in effect until the device inducing it was withdrawn. That wouldn’t happen until the powers that be were convinced that he was in full control of his faculties. Searching itself, his mind recounted the events that had brought him to this point and, though he had no way of remembering the actual process of being placed into the cryogenic state, he now knew the answer to his own question and it was only slightly more comforting than his first impression.

(Continued on Meta Leone .2)

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Comments  
kamereon Comment by: kamereon - 2008-10-20 21:40
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Captivating, nice word usage, fluid from beginning to end...I was left pondering over several questions in the end, and can't wait to read more.
mattarnold Comment by: mattarnold - 2008-03-29 12:14
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intriging intro w/ a solid hook, makes me want to read more, which I will.

the main comment I have is that there are many, well crafted long sentances but too many are strung together. consider breaking some up so every third or fourth sentance has a short simple sentance after it.

anyway, it is a solid opening hook for sure.....m
psypathic Comment by: psypathic - 2008-03-15 03:43
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Hospitals and all that aren't exactly inviting, I'll admit, but I do like the fact that you started off this way. It is... a subliminal challenge, almost. "The character survived this discomfort, feel it, find out why." It is beautifully written, and the scene itself tries the reader in a similar fashion as it does the character, who is actually enduring it.
Kerosene Comment by: Kerosene Online- 2008-02-20 06:48
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Some really great detail in this section. It makes me want to read on, which I will.

Liked the descriptions: "swirled the fog in his mind" & "as the mind throws off the shroud of sleepiness"

I think it's a little wordy here and there, but the pacing feels right.

john
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