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Chesterjeeb
Barry Capp
United Kingdom, Kent, Rochester

Words: 154
Access: Public
Comments: 9

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Fistful of Change - Wee Challenge 26

My first coherent thought is that the ruined mess masquerading as my left leg is coated in treacle. I can feel the warm viscous liquid tracing its meandering course along the contours of my calf. The sensation isn’t unpleasant, it has a comforting; almost soothing quality to it.

My eyelids feel heavy and I allow myself the luxury of closing my eyes. It’s been a tedious car journey, I’ve still got to bank the store’s takings and…

‘You’re dying.’

Nonsense, I’m exhausted.

‘Can’t you smell it?’

I inhale deeply.

Immediately the coppery stench of blood permeates the air. I panic, dropping my hand onto the passenger seat. Instead of the familiar feel of the worn leather, my trembling fingers sink into a pile of coins.

I snatch up a handful of change, chuckling weakly.

I can’t feel my leg anymore, and it’s cold.

So cold.

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Comments  
Odogg24 Comment by: Odogg24 - 2008-05-21 16:07
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Reminds me of what happened in my brother's accident when he lost his leg. This is cool and fits the genre well because it has endless possibilities. That is what I like about flash fiction like this. It allows the reader and the author to become one because of the merging of ideas. I also really like your husky picture. I have a five yo female named "Timber". They are the best dogs.
easywriter58 Comment by: easywriter58 - 2008-02-19 21:32
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My first thought was that the guy robbed a store and was shot in the leg trying to jump in the getaway car.

Could be a clerk in an accident on the way to bank the store's money.

Many robbers don't get much but a fistful of change because they don't realize that the money has already been banked or the clerk doesn't have the keys to the safe and has literally run out of bills.

I like the way you leave this open for the reader to interpret.
krademacher Comment by: krademacher Online- 2008-02-19 19:29
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great story, I've been in accidents and helped in the aftermath of other people's accidents, and you capture the whole vibe very well.

One question though: Why a handful of change, instead of a fistful?
wizzer Comment by: wizzer - 2008-02-18 14:08
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great story no crits enjoyed the read
xxx geo
RJWilliams Comment by: RJWilliams - 2008-02-17 08:35
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Great Story! I liked the intensity at the end, the realization of his impending demise. I also like that you didn't you the Theme phrase in the story itself, but rather allowed us to visualize.
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By Chesterjeeb

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