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Portland.
City of roses smells like meth
Take a hit like a morning prayer
Walk to the river to see the sunset
Drive to the ocean to breathe clean air
Sleep under statues watch fountains die
Sleep in the back of your best friends van
Play your songs on the corner of Burnside
Change of the world from a pitying hand
I first saw you doing magic tricks
In the square like you knew how
Shaved head and painted combat boots
A pretty smile for your pretty crowd
You used to make me breathe in your smoke
You used to hold me like I was your drug
You used to fuck me like I was rag doll
But I never doubted your love
Watching angels in the street lights
Watching your eyes like fresh caffeine
Black and white like movie night life
I was your scripted beauty queen
But real blood’s not made of raspberry
And you can’t lick my wrists clean
When your living life from bridge to bridge
And you’re using broken wings
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Comment by: ESampel - 2008-03-10 05:25
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| i really love this poem, |
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Comment by: Joey - 2008-03-10 03:25
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| Beautiful, could Portland be any better? Nice to read about things that matter every once in a hwile, you know things that happen to us. |
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City of roses smells like meth
//nice.. terse.
Change of the world from a pitying hand
//do you use a thesaurus?
thesaurus.com
some of the words in here could be more potent.
and i dont mean fancy words. i never use big words.
I first saw you doing magic tricks
In the square like you knew how
//please please tell me this part is true..
Shaved head and painted combat boots
A pretty smile for your pretty crowd
You used to make me breathe in your smoke
You used to hold me like I was your drug
//you made me...
you held me...
maybe.
the 'used to' before the verb is just fatty.
Watching your eyes like fresh caffeine
//um..................awsome.
I was your scripted beauty queen
//freakin terrific.
And you’re using broken wings
//love to see a stronger word than 'use'.
no biggie.
please use a thesaurus.. all the good words are not in ANYONES head.
one uses 'hold' until they see seize clutch clinch clasp, clench, clinch, clutch, compass, embrace, enclose, enfold, envelope, fasten, grapple, grasp, grip, hang onto, hold fast, pinch, pluck, snag, snatch, squeeze
in a thesaurus.
as a poet, you will love The Sage.. everyone ive shown it too loves it.
http://www.sequencepublishing.com/thesage.html
its free, its a tiny download. try it for 5 mins.
good work.. if you just started writing,
bravo
T |
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| Well, I was hoping to find a poem that was going to make me excited about my possible move to Portland next summer. I didn't find that, but this is great. You chose not to use punctuation... I think it might work better if you also chose not to capitalize the first letter in each line. |
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| Wow!! Very visual. I enjoyed reading it alot. |
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